So earlier this week while reading my daily Bible reading, I got to pondering Heaven. Not the "what will Heaven be like" but thinking about all the souls in heaven. There are souls from so many different lifetimes. I wonder what it is like for someone from our lifetime and someone like Moses to interact. I mean our lives on earth, our Christian walk, our thought process, etc are so different. If I was in a room from someone that lives halfway around the world that is alive right now, we would be so different in probably almost every way. And that is someone living now. So what would it be like to interact with someone that lived thousands of years ago, in a very different place then the US? I mean can you imagine that?!

And then it got me thinking are we us in Heaven? I mean it seems kind of crazy to even think that we will be us in Heaven to me. I tend to think that our focus, our thought process, will be so changed from what it was here on earth. Our knowledge will most likely be so different, our thoughts will be soley on the eternal, not on the earthly. 

John and I were even talking about will we still be husband and wife in heaven, will we still have the relationships we have here on earth with others who go to heaven? I tend to think that while we might recognize each other as our spouse here on earth, the bond we had will not be the same. That's not to say that our relationships on earth don't matter, but in the eternality of Heaven I am not sure they matter like they do on earth.Like our thoughts will be so focused on God and worshipping Him, that all the human distractions will not be there anymore. 

Now I say this knowing I could be 100% wrong! And I say this absolutely loving my husband and my children and dreading the thought of not having them in my lives. I don't know what heaven will be like but I do know that it will be so much more amazing than I could ever imagine. There is a part of me that longs to be with my creator and king. I don't want to rush that time, but I look forward to Heaven and pray that when I get there, I get to see my precious babies I lost. I pray that even if we don't have the relationship I dream of, that God lets me hold them at least once when I get to Heaven. To be able to breathe in their scent and love on them just once. Just once will be enough for me. 

 

I don't know about you but in our household we struggle with attitudes and behaviors in ours. And I would love to say that it is in the kiddos only and that my husband and I NEVER have bad attitudes or behaviors. But alas that is not true, not by a long shot.

I have really been thinking on why we get stuck in a pattern of bad attitudes and behaviors. How it is that those nasty comments, nasty attitudes, and all around nastiness can so easily take over our lives, our families, our hearts. 

One big huge reason I think is we end up justify our bad behaviors and bad attitudes. We get to a point where we are so easily offended, so easily upset that we feel justified in being nasty, in being in a bad attitude. Our inner voice loves to scream why we are justified for our actions!! And how dare anyone question our justification!!! 

I don't know about you but I find that this justification leaves me exhausted!! Being in a bad mood and so easily offended all the time steals our joy! It disrupts our homes!! It can ruin marriages!! That justification can leave us bitter and miserable, and even make us cruel to those we love.

One thing I tell my kiddos is that we can't control others actions and attitudes, but we can control ours. The problem is while we CAN control our actions and attitudes, so often we end up justifying why we DON'T. Giving reasons why it is completely understandable.

I have been praying that God changes this in me. That He gives me a renewed attitude and heart. Honestly I didn't really start actively praying for this until I already saw evidence of this happening in my heart already. When I already noticed a change and I saw how much freedom was in that change. I don't want to be so shackled to my attitude of justification, which also means shackled in my anger, bad attitude, fill in the blank, that I lose all joy in my life. 

I am not meaning that we don't have reasons to be annoyed in situations from time to time, or being angry over something is wrong. But I notice so often something that really should only mildly annoying before could make me so absolutely angry. And why? Because I felt justified in my anger.

Last night John and I went out for dessert. I really wanted this particular dessert from a particular restaurant, so that is where we went. We go to order and low and behold they are out of said dessert. Now this could have made me really upset, I mean I wanted that dessert, I came for THAT dessert my inner justification could have screamed. Yet I wasn't upset, I actually was 100% ok and chose another dessert that had grabbed my eye.....then about 5 minutes later the waiter was walking towards our table. I commented to John "I bet he is going to say they are out of my dessert." And they were. 

Now again my inner child could have screamed that I was justified to be upset, to be nasty to the waiter, to refuse to tip him for having the audacity to not only be out of one dessert I wanted but TWO!! But my response....I laughed out loud. Seriously I laughed out loud. And I ordered a third dessert that sounded amazing. And it was. 

Now I tell you this not to sound all amazing and thinking I am better than anyone who might have been offended, but because I am absolutely amazed and appreciative of this change in my heart. The change that God has been doing. I don't want to be a person who looks for ways I have been offended, wronged, or am justified to be in a bad mood, because you know what? I could always find a reason to be offended, wronged in someway, or justified for being in a bad mood. I want to find reasons to be happy, to see the blessings around me, reasons to smile and thank God for this change in my heart. 

Compromise

We live in day of compromise, and we seem to be getting more and more ok with compromise. I have been really thinking about our society and the church in general and seeing how even the church is ok with compromise.

We live in days where we act like because the morals of the world have become loose for the most part, that that means God has changed. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His word does not change. His calling for us to be people who are conformed have not changed.

We are all sinners and when we come to know Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, there is a change in us. Is it a instant change from a sinner wallowing in sin to a perfect person, heck no. God calls us into acts of obeidence and through time He points the sin out in our lives and calls us to deal with it. I feel it is like when you sift flour, you don't just pour the flour in and BAM all the good flour is in your bowl and all the junk is in the sifter, it is a process, it takes time. That is how the process of us becoming more and more in the image of God.

We are however called to stand up for God's word and called to stand strong in our faith. But how much have we compromised over the years. We are so easy to justify things in our lives because we like it. And I am not just talking about the huge issues in our lives we struggle with but also the little ones. Like the shows we watch, the music we listen too, the words that we allow to come out of our mouths, etc. God loves us all, horrible sinners that we are. But should we act like His grace is something that condones sin? It does not. If we are knowingly sinning and ok with that in our lives, never repenting, never distancing ourselves from it, then where is the change in us? Where is the power of Christ? We are the ones not allowing Him to work on our hearts, not God deciding He is done with us.

I am saying this because I see it in myself. I give into anger, use words that I should never utter, and act like somehow I am justified because I had a long day or I am really angry. And yes, often my flesh does rear its ugly head and I act out of anger, but if I don't stop, realize that I grieving God and repent for my sin, where is the evidence that God is working in my life?

Life is hard. Sin is at every corner we look. But that doesn't mean that God makes allowances for us in this day and age. His word is still truth. He is still a holy God, He is a merciful God, yes, but He is a just God. We need to be a people who does not allow compromise in our walk. As God shows us the truth, we should stand on that truth. Is there sin in our lives that we are still not seeing, probably. But as God calls us to deal with the sin in our lives (and sometimes He uses others in our lives to bring it to our attention)we need to pray and ask God for His wisdom and direction in the way to handle it. It isn't always neat and pretty, but God will see us through!

Thank you God!!

There are times when I wish I could walk right up to God and kiss him on the cheek. God has blessed me in so many ways and so abundantly I could just cry at times! And I am not talking about the number 1 thing that He did for me and every you reading this blog, by sending His son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins so that we can be saved from the horrors of hell. If that was the only thing God ever did for me that would be more than I deserve.

I am talking about the things He does for me daily that shows me that I am His beloved, that I mean something to Him, that I am a treasure. When I think of the love God has for me, the picture I have in my head is when your loved one holds you face tenderly in their hands and looks at you with that deep intense love that just radiates from their soul. That is the intensity of God's love for each one of us!

Today I just wanted to cry throughout the day, because I felt God's presence in so many things today. First in the team meeting today and then after when God spoke to my heart and calmed my spirit and changed my attitude. I know that what I need to not focus on the possibility that Ryan could go home to his mom and think of how I don't know if that is best, but trust in God and to see whatever time Ryan is with us as a time for him to heal and God to work on his heart and for his mom to get healthy also.

Then in the car when Ryan goes "you know Mandi, I don't get along with kids my own age as well as I get along with younger kids." This was totally out of the blue and opened up the chance to talk about how that is because a part of him, his emotional age is so much younger, and that through counseling and talking about and dealing with things that have happened to him, we are hoping to get him caught up emotionally. And how many times when we are young and things happen to us we get "stuck" at the age in some way and that if we don't work through it, it will effect our whole life, often for the negative. And how often people end up using things such as alcohol and drugs to "deal" with it when they get older.

And finally in the man who will be watching Ryan this weekend. I was so worried about that, but the man's son is also emotionally immature and is more like an 8 year old in many ways, not like he is mentally handicapped, but just stuck also. And they are involved with alot of stuff so Ryan will have a fun busy weekend. And with this guy having had foster children and his own adopted some who has alot in common with Ryan, maybe I can ask him questions down the road about how to balance the emotional age and actual age and not do this all wrong.

So right now I just want to give God a huge, heartfelt kiss on the cheek and tell Him how much I love Him and appreciate all He did today!!

Old Tattered Quilt

Today after talking to Ryan's case worker about all that has happened this week I was a little overwhelmed. On Monday Ryan's mom had sentencing for charges in Keith County that she pled no contest to last month. She had told us that there was no way they would put her in jail since she was having visits with Ryan here and was sure she would get probation. Well she was sentenced to 90 days with 22 days credit served and was transfered to the jail here in North Platte. I talked to Ryan's lawyer and she checked with the county attorney and found out that if Cindy is given credit for good time(I guess if you are good they give you extra days towards your sentence) then she could serve only 53 days which would be 31 days(I am not sure if that includes sitting out court costs) so she could be out the beginning of next month. Anyway this pushes back the goal date for reunification or adoption, which makes it feel like our time in limbo is being prolonged.

But after talking to the case worker I started having a moment of thinking about things and these are some thoughts I had, "What if we do adopt him and he: never views us as parents; comes to think we stole him from his mom; becomes resentful towards us and instead of helping to heal him he becomes worst; he grows up and never wants another thing to do with us once he is out of the house; his sometimes jealousy towards Alex just grows and becomes not just sometimes but a horrible obvious resentment, etc. See how crazy my mind was going. These are things that can happen even between our own bio kids, but for some reason with it being about a non-bio kid the worries are so much more in my face.

So here is what I have decided parenting is like....making a quilt. With your own kids you get to pick out the pattern, you decide how much time you put into it, if you want to do any special stitches to make it more beautiful, what kind of batting you want so it can be as soft and comfortable as possible, if you want to put the effort into making it a quilt that will withstand wear and tear or if it will fall apart. So in the end your quilt is what you make it. Your child is what you make them(to an extent, there comes a point when your child's choices are their own and  they become what they choose to become regardless of  your parenting whether good or bad.)

But with Ryan it is like I am being given a quilt that is ripped, tattered, worn thin, threads showing, and dirty and all I can think of is do I have the ability and love to re-enforce all the weak seams, to patch the holes with beautiful new fabric, to re-quilt with new batting, to lovingly wash taking special care on stains left behind. Do I have the ability to take a child who is so battered and broken in somewhat unobvious ways to the world and help him become the man God created him to be.

With my own kids I know that I make mistakes, we all do, but I love my kids, have been there from day one and I am the only mom that they have ever had and so I am not as worried about all the terrible choices they could make. It isn't like the fear I have that I might not be enough to change the pattern that has formed in Ryan's heart. I guess that is where I step back from trying to be the one that "fixes" him and allow God to heal the hurts.

I have found my joy!!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ~James 1:2-3

You know when I have read this in the past my first thought was "finding pure joy in trials, not likely" but as I opened my devotion book last night and read the entry and saw this verse as one of the book's key verses for the day, I finally truly understood.

It isn't meaning take joy in the pain of the trial, but to take joy in the comfort you find in the Lord during those times. With the Lord the impossibilities of any trial becomes possible. If we focus not on the hardness of the time, but on the peace and comfort that the Lord provides in those times, then we can feel joy.

Just think about when you were a child and were hurt and you found comfort in the loving arms of your mother. No matter what was happening, no matter how much you hurt, feeling you mother's arms around you, feeling her loving kiss on your forehead, you felt safe and completely loved. You knew you were not alone in your pain because you mother was hurting for you and TOGETHER you will get through it.

Now maybe some of you that never felt this as a child, maybe you had a hard childhood and your mother wasn't the one you found comfort in, but as a mother you can understand the true love of a mother's heart, and in this knowledge it is easier to grasp the depth of God's love for us, because there it no one in this whole world that has, does, or will love you more than God. No matter how much I love my precious children, God loves them infinately more than I even have the compacity to love them. So if I as a mother hurt when my children hurts and they can find refuge in my arms, how much more sufficient is the safety and comfort that I, in this time of trials and uncertainity, can find in the arms of Christ.

So no, I don't take joy IN the trial I am in, I take joy in the comfort that I find in my Heavenly Father's arms during this time. Because with His help, I WILL get through this and my dependance on Him will cause my faith to grow more than I ever imagined. And in that I find my joy! God is my joy!!

Choose your words wisely

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart.  For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.  ~Luke 6:45

This is truly the truth of God. We see this everyday in the world we live. If a person's heart and mind is preoccupied with lust, that is what consumes his words. If money rules his heart, then he talks about money. If their heart is full of discord and hatred, then they will spread discord and hate through their words.

People are very good at covering up what truly runs them at times, but it only takes time and a discerning heart to see what people's mind and heart are full of. They might be able to cover up their true view, but sooner or later, they will show what truly is in their hearts.

So a prayer I have for this new year is that I would take note of the words I use and when examine what is truly in my heart in this season of my life. I want God to take all the junk that is stored up in my heart and cleanse me of the negative thoughts, the fast complaints, and that I would become content to wait in the Lord and find strenght in His loving arms in my time of weakness.

Little did I know

I remember holding Ryan when he was about 5 months old, hearing about the bizarre circumstances of his birth and the months that followed. Never did I imagine that the truth of his birth and the months that followed was even more bizarre. And that one day this precious child would be living within my home, a part of our family, and looking to us for the stability that he needs and desires.

Please be praying for our family and God's will in this situation. In the next 6-12 months, there will be much stress and big decisions to be made by the state, the courts, Ryan's mom, and us. I am praying that whether Ryan goes home to his mom, stays with us, or even goes to another home that it is God's will. That wherever is his forever home, that it would be a home filled with love, stability, and safety. The kind of home where he is nurtured and his parent/s help him heal from the wounds that has been inflicted on his young heart and soul.

Stupid Human!!!

I have been trying so hard to carry on with our normal life that we had before our new addition of Ryan. And it has been crazy. Trying to continue doing all that others expect me to be able to do. To do all the school stuff and church stuff, along with all the appointments for kids, housework, and normal mommy duties. It has been downright exhausting. And I have been losing sight of myself. I don't even feel I have time to exercise in the day, because I feel too tired when I have some down time. I don't even manage to find time to spend in God's word lately. I have gotten to the point where I feel I am too overwhelmed to spend time in my Creator's word, how screwed up is that. No wonder I feel overwhelmed. He is my refuge, my strength. Yes I am still leaning on him, but I haven't been searching His word. But I am amazed at how through this time of my being too overwhelmed to seek His face in His word(I say this while rolling my eyes at my humanist stupidity) He is ever faithful. He is in the midst of this, continuing to lovingly bring me into obidence with His will. Praise God for my King of kings. Without Him I can do nothing, but through Him I can do all things!

I'm Not Enough!!! Yeah!!!

One of my biggest fears as a parent has always been, what if I somehow royaly screw up my kids. I mean to the point where they are sitting in a counselor's office years down the road telling them how they can not be productive adults who love the Lord because I didn't buy them a transformer every paycheck, etc. Now I am just being silly over the reason, but we all know that we carry around pains from our childhood that can still haunt us if we choose to let them. No matter how great the parent, they are bound to do something that leaves their child with some sort of pain, whether big or small. No parent is perfect.

But I also know that God is greater than my biggest shortfall! His grace is sufficient to cover every hurt or pain that my actions might cause my children. Praise God for that!!! I am by no means perfect, I try to do my best. To live a life that is honoring to God, but I still mess up, fall into sin, just like everyone else. I have yelled at my kids, lost my temper, and been cranky more times than I would care to share. But praise the Lord, that the God that I serve is big enough to show me the wrong in my actions and to heal my childrens' hearts.

I have been thinking about this subject very much in the past 6 weeks. As you know, my cousin Ryan has come to live with us and what a journey God is taking us on! It has been a trying, great, hectic, crazy, terrifying, confusing, joyous, amazing path that we have gone on through these past 6 weeks. We are in a situation that I always thought someday I would like to try(being foster parents) but never imagined it at this time in our lives or with one of my family members.

And in this situation is the child at the center, Ryan. He is an amazing young man, who God loves more than he knows. The second he was concieved in his mother's womb, God placed a call on his life, a purpose that Ryan has yet to discover. I have seen the pain and scars that have been inflicted on his young heart. Whether on purpose or unintentionally, the life he knew before coming to live with us has had an impact on his life. He has many things to overcome, many ways that he needs to grow in, and we hope to help him with these. And then my fear creeps up. What if I am not enough to do all that needs to be done in his life?!

Well I am not! Nope, me, Mandi Schimek, am not enough to heal his heart, mature him in ways he needs matured, and show him the love God has for him. Don't I feel great now, knowing I am not enough.

Actually I feel freed!! I am NOT enough!! Yeah!! This is not a yoke I have to carry! You know why? My Lord and Savior is enough! He is able to carry this yoke for me. I can come to him with all my insecurities in this situations, my fears, my prayers, my dreams for Ryan and our family, and lay them at His feet. He will cover all the places I can not, He will give me strenght when I am weak, He will give me all that I need to meet the needs of our 4 children and Ryan.

I thank God that I don't have to be Super Woman to do this! That I can be a woman who is imperfect, inadequate, and sometimes downright stubborn and by God's grace and mercy, we will not only make it through this situation just barely getting by, but my God will make this a situation where we come out stronger, as a family, as a couple, as parents, as people, as children of God. This will not only work, this will be amazing!! I serve a God that goes beyond the beyond! He doesn't just work something out, He is a God of miracles who pours blessings and mercy over us!

Courageous

Sunday my in-laws went to Gothenburg to see the movie "Courageous." They came back and said we needed to go see it and offered to watch the kids for us. So tonight we went up. It was nice because their theater is a small-town theater and is WAY cheaper for tickets and concessions. Of course it isn't as nice as North Platte's but it has a totally different feeling to it. It was like stepping back in time.

Anyway the movie was amazing. Not because it was full of actions and had a good plot line(which it did, but that wasn't the best part) It was awesome because it opened your eyes to the responsibility that comes with being a parent and a follower of Christ. When we have a baby often we don't think about what God has called us to by giving us this blessing. I thought I did, but this just opened my eyes to the reality of what we should be doing, and what we will need to focus on in the years to come.

This movie especially hit home with the fact they talk about kids without fathers, and how research is showing that this is harming kids more than we ever thought. Here we have a precious child of God, placed into our home who has been left by his mother, and the man he believes to be his father is not and has stated to the courts he never acted as a father to him. Just makes me so sad.

I praise God for using such an amazing movie as a way to open parents' eyes to the call that has been placed on their lives.

Praising God in the midst of this trial!

What a week it has been! We have been busy and stressed beyond belief. But praise the Lord that in the midst of this time of trial, that God is still on his throne. All this junk can be used for the glory of God in the long run if we just give it to him. Praise God for his mercy and grace He pours over us daily. He gives us strength that we could never have on our own and gives us the endurance for all of this.

Tomorrow is 4 weeks since Ryan has been in our home. I honestly couldn't imagine him not being here. He has fit into our family so well. Doesn't mean that there have not been struggles or issues, but it is going so much smoother than I thought it would. I am just praying that we can form the parent/child bond. Sometimes I wonder how he really feels about all this. Last night in wednesday night church they were talking about the relationship between their family(parents, siblings, the ones you live with) and I wondered how Ryan feels knowing he is living with his cousin and her family and having to explain that.

Tomorrow is also 4 weeks since Ryan's mom has had any contact with him. No phone calls, no asking for visits, nothing. I just find that extremely sad. I am praying that we are helping to feel the void that not having his mom here leaves. That he feels loved, wanted, and secure that he has a place in our family.

Today I went to the first appearance of Ryan's case. It was sad. You go into this room with other people whose cases are also going to be covered and so I saw the other side of this situation. I saw 2 parents very obviously not in a position to be the parents God desires them to be, looking like they are unable to care for their own basic needs let alone the needs of their child. I could see that they truly desired to be reunited with their child, but is that desire enough to motivate them to do what the courts will ask of them I don't know.

I was glad that I got to see this part though because at the moment I am very bitter towards those desire drugs over what is best for their children. We have opened our home, and our hearts to a child that has had a hard life. I have no clue what he has seen, but I am sure it would shock me. I am dealing with trying to heal this child whose life has been upset because of the love of drugs. I looked at these people praying that the Lord would convict them and change their hearts so their child does not have to live one more minute with drugs being top priority.

Then Ryan's case came up. It might not have been the best thing for me to go today, because I had just left the counselor's office where I was trying to get Ryan set up for counseling. Talking to the counselor made me realize just how affected Ryan could be by this all. How deep his hurts could be. It broke my heart and frankly ticked me off that a parent, my own aunt could do this to her child. Then to have to go to the court hearing and see that his mother didn't even show up. That Ryan isn't even worth showing up for. And to hear the man he thinks of as his dad to say via phone conversation that he isn't dad and never really acted as one.

This little boy has probably never been loved like he should. He doesn't know what it is like to know without a doubt that mommy is always there for you, because look at what has been his truth so far.

Please pray for our family. For Ryan that he comes to trust us, and in time love us like a child loves their parent and most importantly that he comes to know the Lord and trust him as his Savior. For John and I, that the Lord would give us the endurance to do what we feel God is calling us too. That we can come to love Ryan as our child and for wisdom in how to go day by day through this uncertian journey. And for our kids that they can adjust to open their hearts to Ryan and be ok with sharing their home and parents with another child. Please pray that we all can deal with the emotional rollercoaster that we are bound to go through throughout this time.

Our Beloved!!

This morning I took the girls to church while John and the boys stayed home with Casey. I thought that I was possibly going to have to run the computer for service, but was pleasantly surprised that the person scheduled to run it would be at church this week. So instead of getting the computer ready during worship practice, I decided to sit in and enjoy the worship team practicing.

Turns out that the backup singers for worship were not going to be singing today, so I was asked to sing, which I haven't done in forever. Man did I enjoy it. Just singing during practice was uplifting and enjoyable, but God really showed up during the service worship and he spoke to my heart. I could feel him moving in the church, in the people, and blessing us. And the word that God gave me for this town, the youth of this city, was amazing. He said that this town has so much left to do, that the youth and my generation are going to rise up and take a stand for his name.

He also showed me a vision of his desire of each one of our relationship with him. He wants an intimate relationship with us, not something superficial, real and deep. We are his beloved, he is our bridegroom. I know some have a hard time thinking of God like this, because they think of it like a romantic relationship in the sense of a romantic relationship between 2 people. It is a romantic relationship in the sense of feelings of complete love and adoration. When God looks at us his heart skips a beat, he is completely and 100% crazy for us.

And here is what he showed me. Just as the first time we stand before our spouse naked and vunerable, hiding nothing, holding nothing back, God desires that we come to him naked(not litereally)and vunerable, not keeping any part of ourselves hidden, but be totally transparent and open with him. Just like you can't have a strong marriage if you have parts of your life you keep from your spouse, things you lie about. We can never have the deep, intimate relationship with Christ if we are not open and honest about our hurts, our desires, our thoughts, our dreams.
How amazing that we can have this type of love and relationship with our Savior!! God is so amazing!!

Walking with Jesus

Tonight in youth we read in Luke 24 about 2 men who were followers of Jesus who were traveling on a road on the third day after Jesus died on the cross and were upset because they felt their faith and trust in Jesus was misplaced and that he was not really the savior. And along comes a man who joined them in their travels and they told this man of what had happened with Jesus and how they were upset. And this man proceeded to speak scripture to them and speak life to them. This man was Jesus and even though they were followers of him, they did not know him. It was not until they asked him to join them for a rest and meal were their eyes opened.

How like us these men are! We are all on a walk with Jesus, some of us are at that stage in our walk where we are glancing over at this stranger wondering who this man is; others know him, but because of our disappointments in life we can not recognize him; and others are walking hand in hand with him.

To get to know someone in such an intimate way that you know their voice, the feel of their hand, to sense their very presence means you spend time with them. Your best friend does not become your best friend by never seeing or talking to them. You spend time with them, you pour your heart out to them and listen to what they have to say. This is how we get to know Jesus in a deep and intimate way too.

Last day in children's church

Today was my last Sunday of doing children's church. I will once again be able to join the adults upstairs for worship, Praise God!! Now don't get me wrong I really have enjoyed working with the kids down stairs, but I can't wait to sit and soak in the presence of the Lord during worship with Joe and the rest of the worship team.

Anyway so we read about Noah's ark and God's promise never to again flood the earth. We took torn up pieces of colored paper and made a rainbow out of them. As we were doing this it struck me that when we are lost and broken, to the world there seems to be nothing that can be done. We are no longer whole and nothing in the world can put the pieces back together. But with the grace and mercy of God, if we allow him too, he takes those pieces of our life and puts them back together. And the work of art that he creates is not what we were before. He makes a new creation and there are no seams to be seen where the torn pieces were piecesd together. We are whole, new, and no sign of brokeness is to be seen. Praise the Lord for how this simple craft for the kids, could speak to me in such a strong and real way!!

Stupid Human Nature!!

I have been checking out other blogs and creating a list of blogs I follow. It is interesting to see all the different types of blogs out their and get a glimpse into someone else's life. To see ideas for crafts(like I have time anyway), activities they do with their kids, things God is doing in their lives, etc. And after reading I often think, man I wish I was creative like that, or did that with my kids, was able to juggle things as well as they do, had a blog like theirs, had followers like they do(2 so far, hey it is better than nothing), etc.

I guess you could say that the jealousy bug is popping up again. Why is it in our human nature and to see someone else and have the thought go through our heads that if someone else is doing something funner, craftier, or exciting then us, then that means we are less then they are. Guess it is human nature, but still I would like to get where that isn't a common response. I am really pretty comfortable with myself and who God made me to be, but sometimes I do feel inadequate compared to others. Guess that is another thing that I need to give to the Lord and pray that he shows me the areas I need to grow in and allow him to mold my heart.

The Wasps are Taking Over!!

We have been having a problem with wasp nests in our backyard this summer. We found a small one at the beginning of the summer in the kids' playhouse and John went out and took care of it. Then Alex came in and told me that a wasp stung him a couple of weeks ago and there was a bunch by where he was playing. I went out to see where he was talking about and there was a wasp nest in one end of the clothes line post he was playing by. I decided to check the other side and found another nest. Then went to the other post and found a large wasp nest in both of the post. Four nest in all, two smaller ones and two larger ones. So I took the left over wasp spray and took care of those.

Then today when I went to take out trash and saw a bunch of wasps by our shed. I opened the door and found 3 nest in the doorway. It doesn't bother me much seeing a wasp here or there, but finding a wasp nest is a little unsettling, let alone finding 8 in one summer.

As I was walking back up to the house, God showed me a similarity between these nest over taking my backyard and sin over taking our lives. We often feel that we are doing fine, that sin has no place in our live. And then we notice an occasional problem we are having with lying, drinking, lustful thoughts, etc and think that it is just an occasional thing so it isn't a BIG problem like finding an occasional wasp isn't to bad. But if we take the time to really search into our hearts we would find that sin we think is occasional and no big deal, is really stemming from a big problem and is slowly overtaking our lives, much like a wasp nest. And if we don't take care of it, it grows bigger and bigger and pretty soon that sin is just a normal part of our life.

Much like the picture that the song "Slow Fade" paints. People don't crumble in a day, it is slow, letting sin take over little by little. A marriage doesn't fail in a day, it is the little grumbles and lies over time that create the big problems such as an affair and such.

So the lesson I learned was that if I see a "wasp" in my life, not to just discount it right away, look and make sure there isn't a nest hiding in my heart.

After listening to a conversation between a mom and her child today, it got me thinking that sometimes if we are not careful, parents encourage undesirable attitude or behaviors in our children. Often we think we are helping but really we are not.

It is easy to try and explain away a child that throws a fit everytime they have to share a toy with another child. So we use the "their just not used to sharing" excuse, or "that is their favorite toy."

Or when your child is picky and doesn't like to eat anything but plain noodles and bread, it is easy just to make them that for every meal, instead of fighting with them over expanding their pallet.

Or when your child is rough and fights with other kids all the time, it is easy to just say "well that's a boy for you."

Or if your child always has a meltdown in public and is a terror in stores it is easier just to stay home.

Or you kid is always getting into trouble at school, and instead of allowing the teacher to handle it, you go into the classroom and try and dismiss your child's actions and "come to the rescue. Yet again."

And believe me I am speaking from experience. I have 2 boys and 2 little girls, who have tried and tested me over and over. And sometimes it is just easier to act like it is ok, and not face it. Because who wants to admit to themselves, or worst yet, other moms that our kids are not perfect angels 24-7.

And these seem like such little things when they are 4 or 5, but the problem is that if you don't get a handle on it early on, you will end up with a 15 year old that can not control their temper, who still doesn't share, and who expects to be cater too because they don't like this or that.

Life is not fair. It can be cruel and nasty and if we don't raise our children to realize that it is how you handle life that makes the difference, then no one else will. Nobody is going to come to your child's rescue when they are an adult. We need to raise our kids to handle disappointment, to sometimes do things they dislike, and to be in control of their own actions. Praying that the Lord will give me wisdom and guidance on raising my kids, because without God's help, I can't do it alone!

Jealous

I am not usually a person who gets jealous of other people, but from time to time I do. Today I had a moment of jealousy as I was driving and saw a lady who I know(a absolutely lovely lady who I happen to really like) walking by with her children who were being well behaved, she looked all cute and then, walking away from her new vehicle, and it got me thinking about how SHE is probably able to take care of all her kids, keep her house beautiful, have a happy marriage, and juggle all the hecticness in her life a lot better than I do, all while staying thin, always looking so well put together, and enjoying the perks of her husbands nice paying job.

Then the Lord slapped me up side the head(thank you Lord!!). He stopped me and reminded me that by being jealous of her blessings from God, I was overlooking mine. I was making her blessings to be greater than the blessings that God gives me everyday. Yes, she has a good life and God loves to shower her in blessings everyday, but I have an amazing life, with an awesome husband, and 5 beautiful children. God showers ME with blessings everyday, some that I dont even realize he has given me at the time. He loves me for ME! He doesnt desire me to be this other woman, she was made with a purpose and so was I.

I love when the Lord gets me past one of my "oh, poor Mandi" thoughts! And come to think of it, there might be some who believe I have a charmed life and envy my life.