I don't know about you but in our household we struggle with attitudes and behaviors in ours. And I would love to say that it is in the kiddos only and that my husband and I NEVER have bad attitudes or behaviors. But alas that is not true, not by a long shot.

I have really been thinking on why we get stuck in a pattern of bad attitudes and behaviors. How it is that those nasty comments, nasty attitudes, and all around nastiness can so easily take over our lives, our families, our hearts. 

One big huge reason I think is we end up justify our bad behaviors and bad attitudes. We get to a point where we are so easily offended, so easily upset that we feel justified in being nasty, in being in a bad attitude. Our inner voice loves to scream why we are justified for our actions!! And how dare anyone question our justification!!! 

I don't know about you but I find that this justification leaves me exhausted!! Being in a bad mood and so easily offended all the time steals our joy! It disrupts our homes!! It can ruin marriages!! That justification can leave us bitter and miserable, and even make us cruel to those we love.

One thing I tell my kiddos is that we can't control others actions and attitudes, but we can control ours. The problem is while we CAN control our actions and attitudes, so often we end up justifying why we DON'T. Giving reasons why it is completely understandable.

I have been praying that God changes this in me. That He gives me a renewed attitude and heart. Honestly I didn't really start actively praying for this until I already saw evidence of this happening in my heart already. When I already noticed a change and I saw how much freedom was in that change. I don't want to be so shackled to my attitude of justification, which also means shackled in my anger, bad attitude, fill in the blank, that I lose all joy in my life. 

I am not meaning that we don't have reasons to be annoyed in situations from time to time, or being angry over something is wrong. But I notice so often something that really should only mildly annoying before could make me so absolutely angry. And why? Because I felt justified in my anger.

Last night John and I went out for dessert. I really wanted this particular dessert from a particular restaurant, so that is where we went. We go to order and low and behold they are out of said dessert. Now this could have made me really upset, I mean I wanted that dessert, I came for THAT dessert my inner justification could have screamed. Yet I wasn't upset, I actually was 100% ok and chose another dessert that had grabbed my eye.....then about 5 minutes later the waiter was walking towards our table. I commented to John "I bet he is going to say they are out of my dessert." And they were. 

Now again my inner child could have screamed that I was justified to be upset, to be nasty to the waiter, to refuse to tip him for having the audacity to not only be out of one dessert I wanted but TWO!! But my response....I laughed out loud. Seriously I laughed out loud. And I ordered a third dessert that sounded amazing. And it was. 

Now I tell you this not to sound all amazing and thinking I am better than anyone who might have been offended, but because I am absolutely amazed and appreciative of this change in my heart. The change that God has been doing. I don't want to be a person who looks for ways I have been offended, wronged, or am justified to be in a bad mood, because you know what? I could always find a reason to be offended, wronged in someway, or justified for being in a bad mood. I want to find reasons to be happy, to see the blessings around me, reasons to smile and thank God for this change in my heart. 

Our last one

In the past, everytime I heard a women say this was her last baby or she was not having anymore, I always thought "I could never imagine getting to the point when I didn't want another baby." I then had one of John's cousins tell me that when you know it is your last, you just know it. And then a woman from church told me she was the same way, until she held her last daughter and just knew she was done. But I still had doubts.

But I have to admit, they were right. This is my last baby! Unless we have some miracle baby, this little one growing inside my womb will be my last bio baby. We might adopt sometime, not thinking about it but there is always the possibility that is something God will lay on our hearts. But this baby will be the last one that John and I create.

I knew this from the moment I found out I was pregnant. It was just this feeling like our family is complete with this one. I always thought that I would be sad if I ever knew a baby was my last. You know, if for some medical reason I couldn't have another or John refused to have anymore. Like every milestone, I would sadly say "this is the last time I will hold my newborn, this is the last time I will nurse a baby, this is our last first birthday" etc. But instead I feel peace and happiness.

I feel like I am ready to have this baby in January and start a new phase in our life: a non pregnancy phase, then a no diaper phase(I know it will be years down the road, but hey I look forward to that time), all our kids in school phase, etc.

Even though I know we are still young, I just feel like we are moving to a new place in our life and marriage. I love that! I can't wait to meet this new little one in January and have all 5(plus our angel in heaven) of our precious gifts to watch grow. This is one of those times I am so overcome with praise for God blessing us so abundantly!! My life is simply......BLESSED!!!

Thank you God!!

There are times when I wish I could walk right up to God and kiss him on the cheek. God has blessed me in so many ways and so abundantly I could just cry at times! And I am not talking about the number 1 thing that He did for me and every you reading this blog, by sending His son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins so that we can be saved from the horrors of hell. If that was the only thing God ever did for me that would be more than I deserve.

I am talking about the things He does for me daily that shows me that I am His beloved, that I mean something to Him, that I am a treasure. When I think of the love God has for me, the picture I have in my head is when your loved one holds you face tenderly in their hands and looks at you with that deep intense love that just radiates from their soul. That is the intensity of God's love for each one of us!

Today I just wanted to cry throughout the day, because I felt God's presence in so many things today. First in the team meeting today and then after when God spoke to my heart and calmed my spirit and changed my attitude. I know that what I need to not focus on the possibility that Ryan could go home to his mom and think of how I don't know if that is best, but trust in God and to see whatever time Ryan is with us as a time for him to heal and God to work on his heart and for his mom to get healthy also.

Then in the car when Ryan goes "you know Mandi, I don't get along with kids my own age as well as I get along with younger kids." This was totally out of the blue and opened up the chance to talk about how that is because a part of him, his emotional age is so much younger, and that through counseling and talking about and dealing with things that have happened to him, we are hoping to get him caught up emotionally. And how many times when we are young and things happen to us we get "stuck" at the age in some way and that if we don't work through it, it will effect our whole life, often for the negative. And how often people end up using things such as alcohol and drugs to "deal" with it when they get older.

And finally in the man who will be watching Ryan this weekend. I was so worried about that, but the man's son is also emotionally immature and is more like an 8 year old in many ways, not like he is mentally handicapped, but just stuck also. And they are involved with alot of stuff so Ryan will have a fun busy weekend. And with this guy having had foster children and his own adopted some who has alot in common with Ryan, maybe I can ask him questions down the road about how to balance the emotional age and actual age and not do this all wrong.

So right now I just want to give God a huge, heartfelt kiss on the cheek and tell Him how much I love Him and appreciate all He did today!!

I'm Not Enough!!! Yeah!!!

One of my biggest fears as a parent has always been, what if I somehow royaly screw up my kids. I mean to the point where they are sitting in a counselor's office years down the road telling them how they can not be productive adults who love the Lord because I didn't buy them a transformer every paycheck, etc. Now I am just being silly over the reason, but we all know that we carry around pains from our childhood that can still haunt us if we choose to let them. No matter how great the parent, they are bound to do something that leaves their child with some sort of pain, whether big or small. No parent is perfect.

But I also know that God is greater than my biggest shortfall! His grace is sufficient to cover every hurt or pain that my actions might cause my children. Praise God for that!!! I am by no means perfect, I try to do my best. To live a life that is honoring to God, but I still mess up, fall into sin, just like everyone else. I have yelled at my kids, lost my temper, and been cranky more times than I would care to share. But praise the Lord, that the God that I serve is big enough to show me the wrong in my actions and to heal my childrens' hearts.

I have been thinking about this subject very much in the past 6 weeks. As you know, my cousin Ryan has come to live with us and what a journey God is taking us on! It has been a trying, great, hectic, crazy, terrifying, confusing, joyous, amazing path that we have gone on through these past 6 weeks. We are in a situation that I always thought someday I would like to try(being foster parents) but never imagined it at this time in our lives or with one of my family members.

And in this situation is the child at the center, Ryan. He is an amazing young man, who God loves more than he knows. The second he was concieved in his mother's womb, God placed a call on his life, a purpose that Ryan has yet to discover. I have seen the pain and scars that have been inflicted on his young heart. Whether on purpose or unintentionally, the life he knew before coming to live with us has had an impact on his life. He has many things to overcome, many ways that he needs to grow in, and we hope to help him with these. And then my fear creeps up. What if I am not enough to do all that needs to be done in his life?!

Well I am not! Nope, me, Mandi Schimek, am not enough to heal his heart, mature him in ways he needs matured, and show him the love God has for him. Don't I feel great now, knowing I am not enough.

Actually I feel freed!! I am NOT enough!! Yeah!! This is not a yoke I have to carry! You know why? My Lord and Savior is enough! He is able to carry this yoke for me. I can come to him with all my insecurities in this situations, my fears, my prayers, my dreams for Ryan and our family, and lay them at His feet. He will cover all the places I can not, He will give me strenght when I am weak, He will give me all that I need to meet the needs of our 4 children and Ryan.

I thank God that I don't have to be Super Woman to do this! That I can be a woman who is imperfect, inadequate, and sometimes downright stubborn and by God's grace and mercy, we will not only make it through this situation just barely getting by, but my God will make this a situation where we come out stronger, as a family, as a couple, as parents, as people, as children of God. This will not only work, this will be amazing!! I serve a God that goes beyond the beyond! He doesn't just work something out, He is a God of miracles who pours blessings and mercy over us!

Courageous

Sunday my in-laws went to Gothenburg to see the movie "Courageous." They came back and said we needed to go see it and offered to watch the kids for us. So tonight we went up. It was nice because their theater is a small-town theater and is WAY cheaper for tickets and concessions. Of course it isn't as nice as North Platte's but it has a totally different feeling to it. It was like stepping back in time.

Anyway the movie was amazing. Not because it was full of actions and had a good plot line(which it did, but that wasn't the best part) It was awesome because it opened your eyes to the responsibility that comes with being a parent and a follower of Christ. When we have a baby often we don't think about what God has called us to by giving us this blessing. I thought I did, but this just opened my eyes to the reality of what we should be doing, and what we will need to focus on in the years to come.

This movie especially hit home with the fact they talk about kids without fathers, and how research is showing that this is harming kids more than we ever thought. Here we have a precious child of God, placed into our home who has been left by his mother, and the man he believes to be his father is not and has stated to the courts he never acted as a father to him. Just makes me so sad.

I praise God for using such an amazing movie as a way to open parents' eyes to the call that has been placed on their lives.

Can't Wait!

Tuesday we are going to get new family pictures. I love getting family pictures. I don't even send them out everytime(although I always have intentions too, I often get sidetracked and find them months later and think OPPS!) I just feel so blessed by God with my family and love having the pictures to show how our family is changing from year to year.

This year we are going with a pink and black theme, black shirts for the guys and pink for the girls. We are going to go downtown by the Fox theater and have an "urban shoot" as Sheri calls it. I can't wait to see how they turn out. Praying all the kids are good and not fussy.

Jealous

I am not usually a person who gets jealous of other people, but from time to time I do. Today I had a moment of jealousy as I was driving and saw a lady who I know(a absolutely lovely lady who I happen to really like) walking by with her children who were being well behaved, she looked all cute and then, walking away from her new vehicle, and it got me thinking about how SHE is probably able to take care of all her kids, keep her house beautiful, have a happy marriage, and juggle all the hecticness in her life a lot better than I do, all while staying thin, always looking so well put together, and enjoying the perks of her husbands nice paying job.

Then the Lord slapped me up side the head(thank you Lord!!). He stopped me and reminded me that by being jealous of her blessings from God, I was overlooking mine. I was making her blessings to be greater than the blessings that God gives me everyday. Yes, she has a good life and God loves to shower her in blessings everyday, but I have an amazing life, with an awesome husband, and 5 beautiful children. God showers ME with blessings everyday, some that I dont even realize he has given me at the time. He loves me for ME! He doesnt desire me to be this other woman, she was made with a purpose and so was I.

I love when the Lord gets me past one of my "oh, poor Mandi" thoughts! And come to think of it, there might be some who believe I have a charmed life and envy my life.

Youth was AWESOME!!!

Youth tonight was AWESOME!! John and I had been lacking ambition with the youth group after all the stuff that happened with the last youth leader and most of the youth members leaving over it. We were having trouble getting into the groove of things. Then out of the 3 remaining faithful youth members, 2 graduated and we felt really crappy.

Well we decided to continue and now have 2 faithful youth members and about 4 more casual attenders. I know it doesn't seem like much but we are so excited. We are starting once again with a young youth group(6th and 7th graders) and have decided to change the youth name and paint and rearrange the youth room. We are waiting on approval from the church council but the name we picked is 180 Youth Ministries.

Our whole desire for the youth group is to help the kids to realize that their relationship with Christ is their own. It is personal and something they need to grow in. That they must turn from themselves and the world and turn towards God, hence the name, 180 youth. Our Bible verse we picked is "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, old things have passed away; Behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17

Tonight we talked about:
1.What is most important in our lives? What you put your time and energy into is really what is most important. Therefore even if we say God is yet we spend no time worshipping Him, praying to Him, or in his word, then is he really as important as we think.
2. Were we created for a purpose? God knew each one of us before he knit us together in our mother's womb and created us with a purpose for the kingdom of God that only we can do. That none of us are accidents.
3. What are our plans for the future? That we all have plans, but God also has plans for us and we should pray and seek God's will in our lives and include him in our planning.
4. Is there such a thing as a wasted life? That many waste their life never living for God or believing that they have nothing to offer to the Kingdom of God. But it is never to late to live your life for Christ.
5. Does God have desires for our life? We talked about Psalms 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" and how this doesn't mean God is a genie in a lamp ready to grant our wishes. But that is we delight in the Lord, take joy in worshipping him and spending time with him, then he will conform our heart to his and therefore his desires will become ours.

I know that John and I walked away from tonight getting just as much if not more than the kids did. I could tell though that they were really listening. Praying that God spoke to their hearts and they grow in their relationship with Christ!!

Some pictures of our fun week

Wanted to share some pictures from this week from my new camera that my totally amazing husband bought me for my birthday.
Here is my birthday cake my sister bought me and surprised me with at my grandma's. Here is a picture of my brother, Livie, and me. Casey and I are very close and I can say that he is truly one of my best friends. Plus he happens to be one of John's best friends, so we enjoy having him come visit. John and I met through Casey.

Here is a picture of my sister Ashley, Livie, and me. Ashley and I are about as different as you can get, but we get along great and I love the big jerk. lol. Just kidding. But really people are surprised to find out we are sisters, because we are so different. But she is an amazing sister, especially since she bought me a super yummy birthday cake. This is John's Aunt Jackie and Kennedy. Jackie married John's uncle Jack(isn't that cute, Jack and Jackie) after meeting on E Harmony. They met, fell in love, and got married a few years ago when they were both in their 70's. Jackie lives in Kentucky, and so they would live part of the time here and part of the time there. Jack was so happy after meeting Jackie. Seriously was the only time I saw him truly happy since becoming part of the family. Jack passed away about 2 years ago, but Jackie has continued to come back to visit every summer. We love this woman!

Jackie made us pose for a picture of my "sweet family." I love this man standing beside me and praise God for bringing us together and blessing us with 4 beautiful children!

John surprised Livie and I with a strawberry cheesecake blizzard cake from DQ for our birthdays. We are still going to have Livie a birthday party but this was for both of us.

Alex and Uri, the crazy cousins. Uri is actually 4 months older than Alex and at one time was bigger than Alex if you can believe that.

JJ, Phinehas, Uri, Alex, Elijah, and baby Cana. All the boy cousins enjoying the day at Island Oasis

Mikaiah, Kennedy, Makayla(John's uncle's granddaughter) and Gracie, all the girl cousins except Livie

A bunch of legos!!

We were incredibly blessed yesterday! One of my friends of facebook mentioned her son was packing up legos to sell, I, being a HUGE fan of legos, asked what they were asking for them and how many they had. She said there was a lot and they were selling them for $50. Sold!!

We went and picked them up yesterday and there was 2 big boxes of legos, including a castle and a bunch of sets. The boys were so excited!! They loved going through all the boxes and discovering the different sets that were now theirs. Alex said it was the best present he ever got. JJ told me I was the best mommy. All in all, I think it was the best $50 we ever spent on the boys!!

I had a very nice, laid back mother's day today. It started with taking all the kids to church today by myself. I wanted to be able to do something before John went to work and since he is working overtime tonight, he goes in at 8 instead of midnight. So I asked him to go to sleep right after getting home instead of going to church, so we had sometime together before he headed to work early.

Today the other Sunday school teacher was out of town, so I took her kids too. They did find me another lady to help me, PRAISE GOD!!, but we decided to do a combined class. So there was a big age difference in kids and if I thought the 4 and 5 year olds were crazy I was sadly mistaken. All those kids in one room and the many different ages made for a very chaotic morning. I also think the kids were trying to get all their crazy out in Sunday school so they could be good for their moms on Mother's day. But we made it through the morning without totally losing our sanity and the kids made some cute flowers for their moms.

Then my inlaws treated me to tacos at their house and I headed to my grandmas. The kids and I sit outside with my mom and grandma and enjoyed the beautiful day. I even was able to play around with my mom's awesome camera. I went and got Alex's kindergarten graduation cap and gown and took some pics of my little man.

Then the kids and I went and picked up John and we headed to the park for the Spring Fling craft show. I never get alot at these shows, just get ideas for projects. We did leave with 2 flower clips for Kennedy, a foam sword for Alex, JJ, and Kennedy, and a smelly thing for my car. The smelly thing selection was not my first choice. We were looking at the selection of the lady's scents and she had funny names on some like butt naked, monkey farts, and fun in the sun. So we asked what they smelled like and she said we could open them and smell them. They had a sticky side on one end, so John and I were opening them and smelling different ones. JJ decided he wanted to smell one and rip open the package on the NON sticky side. So I now have a cucumber melon MERMAID hanging on my rearview mirror.

I also found a cool project for the girls' rooms. If they turn out cute I think I might make one for Bianca and Trinity for Christmas.

But now the kids are all in bed(no naps and playing outside makes for an early bedtime), except Livie. John just walked out the door, and I have a nice quiet house and the tv to myself! It is AWESOME!!! HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME!!!!

I am so blessed!!

As I write this I am watching the royal wedding that I taped from earlier this morning. Kate is arriving at the church to meet her groom and it takes me back to my wedding.

There is no relationship that is more important in a person's life(other than their relationship with God) than their relationship with their spouse. It should be a top priority for everyone to cultivate on a daily basis. I am very blessed to be married to be my best friend. Yes John and I do have days where we get on each others nerves, after almost 9 years of marriage and seeing each other everyday that is bound to happen. But John is the one person in the whole world that knows the true me. He sees me at my best and at my worst, he has seen me through times of joy and times of complete darkness, he has been through my side through it all. There is no other person in the world I want with me for the rest of my life. He is an amazing man, husband, and father. He is a huge dork, who loves wrestling, funny movies, and quoting movies and sitcoms on a daily basis. He is a man in love with the Lord. He is the one God created for me and I fall more and more in love with him everyday. I am truly blessed to be married to just an amazing man and have 5 beautiful children with!!

He is so smart!

So my husband being the amazingly smart man that he is(and taking strong, direct hints from his oh-so-subtle wife) is going to let me get away by myself for a couple of hours today. Now I am figuring out my gameplan. Need to run to cashway on school business, but not sure if I want to do that on my time. I am going to run to A-Z books and look around. Take my Bible study to starbucks and try to catch up on it some. Maybe even walk through the mall and enjoy being without kids to haul around. I am so excited. Just need to get the boys, cook lunch, and get kids down for naps, then I am off!! Need time to recharge and remember that I am still Mandi, not just a mommy all the time! So blessed that John is letting me get away!

Peace and Quiet!

There is something totally amazing about having a completely quiet house when there are 5 other people in the house and 2 dogs. John is sleeping, all 4 kids are napping, and so are the dogs. Totally peace and quiet. Which today is totally appreciated considering my head is hurting. But really, how many moms with 4 kids can say that on an almost daily basis they get all their kids down for a nap at the same time.

On another note, today was our kindergarten roundup and preschool preview at PVCA. Although I really wish there had been more people bring their children, it went really good. I am so encouraged because of the group of parents we have now, and we have a great vision for the school. There are people that want to see the school grow and more students which has been a vision of mine since we started the school. Praise God for this!!