Little did I know

I remember holding Ryan when he was about 5 months old, hearing about the bizarre circumstances of his birth and the months that followed. Never did I imagine that the truth of his birth and the months that followed was even more bizarre. And that one day this precious child would be living within my home, a part of our family, and looking to us for the stability that he needs and desires.

Please be praying for our family and God's will in this situation. In the next 6-12 months, there will be much stress and big decisions to be made by the state, the courts, Ryan's mom, and us. I am praying that whether Ryan goes home to his mom, stays with us, or even goes to another home that it is God's will. That wherever is his forever home, that it would be a home filled with love, stability, and safety. The kind of home where he is nurtured and his parent/s help him heal from the wounds that has been inflicted on his young heart and soul.

Destruction caused by drugs

Today when we were out looking at store here in Manhatten(my brother had to work, so we were killing time) I picked up a journal. I had Ryan's counselor and my sister suggest that I keep a journal of what has happened and my feeling about it so later if I choose to, I can give them to Ryan so he can understand more of what has happened. Right now we are kinda sheltering him from all the stuff, but someday he should know. Also his case worker told me it would be useful to note behaviors and stuff that is out of the norm so there is evidence of problems we have seen.

Anyway, so I decided I wanted to do it and finally got a journal and started writing. I think I could write for hours on all the truth that has come out about his birth, his life, and his case. It is unbelievable all that has came out and how so many were ignorate to it all or frankly didn't care because it wasn't their problem.

Then today I also saw that they charged Cindy's ex-boyfriend(I am assuming ex, but who knows) with child cruelty also. That man just keeps having charge after charge added to his list. We came across some letters he wrote about his life and the man has had a horrible life. He needs Christ in his life, he needs a Savior. His past haunts him and to forget it, he uses drugs and alcohol. And with that choice, brings him to choose to do what ever necessary to continue that cycle, which leads to more pain, guilt, and shame to deaden. It is sad how drugs and Satan can have such a hold on a life. I feel sorry for what he has gone through, but I pray that he comes to a moment of complete brokeneness in this that he finds Jesus. I am glad to see that he is having to answer for what he has done, but I wonder how we could change this problem with drugs.

I hate drugs and the legacy it leaves. Cindy has choosen a life of drugs, her birth parents chose a life of drugs, which lead to her birth and the decision to give her up for adoption. Ryan most likely was born because of drugs and irresponsible choices that came with the use of those drugs. He is battle something that he never chose, a legacy of drug use. I am praying that this generational curse tthat is attached to his life and the lives of his brother and sister would be severed before they ever consider trying them for themselves. what a horrible curse drugs are!! How many lives, families, and destinies have been destroyed because of the love of drugs!!