One of my biggest fears as a parent has always been, what if I somehow royaly screw up my kids. I mean to the point where they are sitting in a counselor's office years down the road telling them how they can not be productive adults who love the Lord because I didn't buy them a transformer every paycheck, etc. Now I am just being silly over the reason, but we all know that we carry around pains from our childhood that can still haunt us if we choose to let them. No matter how great the parent, they are bound to do something that leaves their child with some sort of pain, whether big or small. No parent is perfect.
But I also know that God is greater than my biggest shortfall! His grace is sufficient to cover every hurt or pain that my actions might cause my children. Praise God for that!!! I am by no means perfect, I try to do my best. To live a life that is honoring to God, but I still mess up, fall into sin, just like everyone else. I have yelled at my kids, lost my temper, and been cranky more times than I would care to share. But praise the Lord, that the God that I serve is big enough to show me the wrong in my actions and to heal my childrens' hearts.
I have been thinking about this subject very much in the past 6 weeks. As you know, my cousin Ryan has come to live with us and what a journey God is taking us on! It has been a trying, great, hectic, crazy, terrifying, confusing, joyous, amazing path that we have gone on through these past 6 weeks. We are in a situation that I always thought someday I would like to try(being foster parents) but never imagined it at this time in our lives or with one of my family members.
And in this situation is the child at the center, Ryan. He is an amazing young man, who God loves more than he knows. The second he was concieved in his mother's womb, God placed a call on his life, a purpose that Ryan has yet to discover. I have seen the pain and scars that have been inflicted on his young heart. Whether on purpose or unintentionally, the life he knew before coming to live with us has had an impact on his life. He has many things to overcome, many ways that he needs to grow in, and we hope to help him with these. And then my fear creeps up. What if I am not enough to do all that needs to be done in his life?!
Well I am not! Nope, me, Mandi Schimek, am not enough to heal his heart, mature him in ways he needs matured, and show him the love God has for him. Don't I feel great now, knowing I am not enough.
Actually I feel freed!! I am NOT enough!! Yeah!! This is not a yoke I have to carry! You know why? My Lord and Savior is enough! He is able to carry this yoke for me. I can come to him with all my insecurities in this situations, my fears, my prayers, my dreams for Ryan and our family, and lay them at His feet. He will cover all the places I can not, He will give me strenght when I am weak, He will give me all that I need to meet the needs of our 4 children and Ryan.
I thank God that I don't have to be Super Woman to do this! That I can be a woman who is imperfect, inadequate, and sometimes downright stubborn and by God's grace and mercy, we will not only make it through this situation just barely getting by, but my God will make this a situation where we come out stronger, as a family, as a couple, as parents, as people, as children of God. This will not only work, this will be amazing!! I serve a God that goes beyond the beyond! He doesn't just work something out, He is a God of miracles who pours blessings and mercy over us!
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