The right size!

I don't quite understand why some woman are so into squeezing their bottoms into pants that are way too small. Do they think that it makes them appear smaller? I saw a woman tonight who probably was a size 22 if she were to buy pants in the size she needs, (now I am a plus size woman, so I am not knocking her size at all) but she squeezed her bottom into probably a size 15. It looked uncomfortable!  Not to mention that it made anything that didn't fit in the pants to push up and over the pants and made her appear WAY bigger than she was. It looked like her top half and her bottom half belonged to 2 different women.

This seems to be something that I see more and more when I go downtown. I just want to tell these women to not be concerned with fitting into the pants that are a size they want to fit into and buy the size that actually fits. I totally understand the desire to be in a certain size, but when I am able to slip into the size I don't want to be uncomfortable the whole time. I wish women would be more comfortable in the way they are and not always trying to be something they are not.

12 years

I have a grandma, her name is Donna, who is in her 60s who has been in a nursing home for around 12 years. Why would a woman be in a nursing home at such a young age? Because she is trapped in a body that is crippled by Multiple Sclerosis. I can remember her always being troubled by this disease, but as a young child I remember her being able to get around ok. Now she is in a wheelchair, her legs are almost locked into their rigid state, she can't drink or eat normal foods or liquids, can't talk, can't move, just trapped with her mind still working.

I can't imagine a life like that for 12 minutes let alone 12 years. This woman I never got to really know. She is my grandma, but this disease has robbed me from every really knowing her. I really realized this today as I started to think about my aunt, Ryan's mom and wondered about her birth and adoption. I so wish I could talk to my grandma about it. She would be the only one who would really know.

This woman married my grandpa(I don't have any good memories about the man really, just remembered he always had a constant supply of beer) who had 2 young boys whose mother had died when they were really little(my dad was like 2) and who had been terrorized by a prior stepmom(she tried to drown my dad in the bath) and she did an amazing job I believe. I mean my dad is really devoted to his mom, is an adovacate to get her the care she needs and deserves when she is unable to speak for herself. She must have done something right to deserve that kind of love.

I just wish that she would recieve one of God's unbelievable miracles and she would be free from this horrible disease!!

Baby Quilt

One of the teachers at PVCA had a baby last month. The school has so looked forward to the birth of this baby. The kids were praying that she would get pregnant all last year, so we were all thrilled that she was pregnant this year. Tomorrow we are having a baby shower at the school for her and her little girl. Apparently she brought the new baby to the school the other day and all day Alex kept telling me how cute the baby was, how beautiful the baby was, etc. I think he wants another baby sibling. lol

Anyway I decided since I had quite a few quilt tops done, I would finish a quilt for the precious little girl. Of course I decided to go to the Quilt Rack to get the back and binding, which made it more than if I had gone to Walmart, but it will be so pretty. I made a mistake though and had John pick up high loft batting because it was cheaper and I forgot how it makes the fabric not lay as flat as I like. Oh well. It will be beautiful anyway. It is light pink, lavendar, and white. Very girly and pretty. I will have to post a picture after I get it all done.

Simply Blessed

When I started this blog I thought long and hard about the name. I wanted its name to be something that really spoke to my life. Simply Blessed is a perfect way to describe my life. Now I am not saying that God has only blessed me in simple, small ways. God has blessed me in some pretty amazing ways! What I meant is that I am blessed every day in sometime big and sometimes small ways. Not always with material things, or good events,but that just by being a child of God I am blessed.

Today as I see my beautiful baby girl walking off with Daddy to naptime my eyes were opened to how I am blessed with a father for my children who truly loves them. Doesn't mean he doesn't have his days were he is short and cranky, like everyone gets. But John truly loves our kids and wants what is best for them.

As I set and take time to listen, truly listen and spend time with each one of my kids individually, I see how each one of them is a huge blessing to us and how without them, our family is incomplete. They each bring their own unique personalities and interests to our family and adds something that no one else can.

Alex, our firstborn, truly an awesome big brother. Mature for his age, seems so much older that sometimes we forget he is only 7. He is always wanting to make us proud, takes disappointing us very seriously,is very sensitive, and loves to make us laugh. His name makes defender of mankind and believe me he is striving to live up to that name. Doesn't mean that he doesn't make mistakes, he is a child, but he takes hurting others feelings very serious and will start to cry if he thinks he hurt someone.

JJ, our five year old little ball of fire. He is such a boy, all rough and tumble. Loves to play and rough house, but then turns on his big brown eyes and melts your heart. He has been blessed with his Daddy's gift for affirmation and is all about building people up. He seems to have grown up so much recently.

Kennedy, our 3 year old princess. This little girl is truly a princess/diva. She is full of girly attitude and walks while swaying her hips and a hand on one hip when she has her purse. She loves barbies, dolls, makeup and puffy dresses. She melts when she sees a baby and is so sweet when plays mommy.

Livie, our 20 month baby girl. She is such a different child from all the rest. Full of attitude and when she has her mind set on something there is no changing it. I wonder what she is going to be like when she gets older. She loves to laugh and LOVES her baby dolls!!

And finally Ryan, our 11 year old who just kinda dropped into our family. We always wanted to be foster and/or adoptive parents, but little did we know it would happen this soon. This has totally been a God thing! Ryan is so unique. Older in some ways and so much younger in others. He doesn't trust, truly trust easily and has been trained to not get attached because it hurts less if you don't care when people walk away.

Some of our children were completely planned and others have been unexpected blessings. I couldn't imagine my life without my babies! I can't wait to see the men and women of God our kids become.

So in conclusion, I live a simply blessed life!!

Thank you God!!

There are times when I wish I could walk right up to God and kiss him on the cheek. God has blessed me in so many ways and so abundantly I could just cry at times! And I am not talking about the number 1 thing that He did for me and every you reading this blog, by sending His son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins so that we can be saved from the horrors of hell. If that was the only thing God ever did for me that would be more than I deserve.

I am talking about the things He does for me daily that shows me that I am His beloved, that I mean something to Him, that I am a treasure. When I think of the love God has for me, the picture I have in my head is when your loved one holds you face tenderly in their hands and looks at you with that deep intense love that just radiates from their soul. That is the intensity of God's love for each one of us!

Today I just wanted to cry throughout the day, because I felt God's presence in so many things today. First in the team meeting today and then after when God spoke to my heart and calmed my spirit and changed my attitude. I know that what I need to not focus on the possibility that Ryan could go home to his mom and think of how I don't know if that is best, but trust in God and to see whatever time Ryan is with us as a time for him to heal and God to work on his heart and for his mom to get healthy also.

Then in the car when Ryan goes "you know Mandi, I don't get along with kids my own age as well as I get along with younger kids." This was totally out of the blue and opened up the chance to talk about how that is because a part of him, his emotional age is so much younger, and that through counseling and talking about and dealing with things that have happened to him, we are hoping to get him caught up emotionally. And how many times when we are young and things happen to us we get "stuck" at the age in some way and that if we don't work through it, it will effect our whole life, often for the negative. And how often people end up using things such as alcohol and drugs to "deal" with it when they get older.

And finally in the man who will be watching Ryan this weekend. I was so worried about that, but the man's son is also emotionally immature and is more like an 8 year old in many ways, not like he is mentally handicapped, but just stuck also. And they are involved with alot of stuff so Ryan will have a fun busy weekend. And with this guy having had foster children and his own adopted some who has alot in common with Ryan, maybe I can ask him questions down the road about how to balance the emotional age and actual age and not do this all wrong.

So right now I just want to give God a huge, heartfelt kiss on the cheek and tell Him how much I love Him and appreciate all He did today!!

Two Days!

Two days until John and I leave on our romantic weekend away! I am sooo excited!! Of course not too thrilled to hear that apparently one of the teachers within PVCA is hoping that means we come home with another baby. This teacher has shared with me that she thinks we are a great family and our kids are so much fun and we should have a bunch.  I really, REALLY hope they are not praying for this in opening. That is how a few babies came to be from families within our school. Oh out of the mouth of babes.

And John and I are not the only ones that are excited. Alex is counting the days down and announcing them every morning, and about a million times throughout the day. He is sooo excited to go to grandma Doni's for the weekend.

Ryan was acting like he was looking forward to it. He kept making comments about how he was looking forward to not be around us anymore. That he couldn't wait until we left and didn't come back, etc. His counselor said he was doing this as his way to cope with the feelings we might not come back. To push us away and make it seem like it didn't bother him that we are leaving.

Well today with Alex announced that we would be gone in 2 days, Ryan was not so excited about that. He looked up all shocked and goes "no, not in 2 days." "Yep, 2 days." "No we have.." and then he remembered the days. So he said he was counting today as a day, tomorrow as a day, and Friday as a day, so it was 3. I told him that when I took him to school on Friday we wouldn't see him again until Sunday night. He wasn't so thrilled about that.

I think the boy is starting to bond with us, not that  he really wants too. It is probably safer from his point of view if he doesn't care about us one way or another so he wont get hurt.

My guilty little pleasure!

There are so many ways to deal with stress. It has been until just recently that I figured out what one of my ways to deal with stress is. I mean, I have been doing this for years, but I never knew that I used it to relieve stress. I mean think of all the ways people relieve their stress, for some people it is food, sex, shopping, alchol, smoking, gambling, exercise, drugs, pop(this is a big one for me), the list can go on and on. So what is the thing I recently discovered helps with my stress level?

It is something I had stopped doing for a while. I used to do it all the time. Started when I was in middle school probably or at least high school. I stopped because it was just getting so expensive, even though it is somthing I really, REALLy enjoyed. WIth Ryan coming to live with us and my stress level getting higher, I reliezed I HAD to start up again.


So have you guessed it? My deep, dark, guilty pleasure is ....................QUILTING!! I love to quilt. I love to see how materials can become something so beautiful. That two people can pick the same pattern and different fabrics and come out with totally different quilts. I love seeing fabric and imagining a new quilt in my head. It lets my creative side run wild. So here is my lastest finished quilt front. I am making it for Ryan and plan to make one for each of the kids for Christmas. Here pictures of it.

5 down, thousands to go

My boys are EXTREMELY hard on their jeans. We are lucky if they can make a pair of jeans last over a month without getting holes in them. So after taking the 3 youngest kids to the doctor and getting a diagnosis of colds for each one(I knew it but with our trip this weekend I had to know for sure), I went to Walmart and got some vics vapor rub and orange juice for the kids and 1/4 a yard of about 5 different fabrics and some interfacing, I came home to tackle the growing pile of holey jeans.

Now I had the look of patches, they look so dorky to me when they are placed over the top. But with the amount of money it cost for jeans for 3 boys, I thought it was worth it to have them look a little dorky. But when starting I decided to leave the hole showing by putting the patch inside the jeans.

So now I have 5 pairs of jeans done so far, 2 that I just can't patch because the legs are too small to fit over my sewing machine arm, and more to do. There are probably some more in the wash to be patched also. But hey I have 5 pairs that are patched and the boys will be warmer.

Now I think I am going to pick up the living room a bit, work on Ryan's quilt(only 2 more rows before I can add the border on and have the front done) and then go get the boys from school. I enjoy these kind of days where I get to use my creative side. My house might suffer, but mommy is alittle less stressed. I mean that is all that really matters.

Please Comment

*I just was looking at the viewing stats on my blog and since starting it I have had 705 views with only TWO comments. Maybe that wouldn't bother you, but to me it makes me sometimes wonder if what I say is just not interesting enough to comment on. Now honestly I don't know who reads my blog other except for my 2 follower and 1 person I am sure reads. But please, if something I write makes you laugh or smile, please let me know. Leave me a word of encouragement if you feel led. Please just let me know that understand. Something please.

In return I am going to start making an effort to comment on others blogs when I read them. That way they know that I enjoyed what they wrote, or that I understand what they are feeling, etc.

So please stroke my ego, lift my spirits, let me know you have gone through it too. Please comment. You can comment anonymously if you dont want to let me know who you are. Please just let me know that I am not just saying all this and it doesn't really matter.

Old Tattered Quilt

Today after talking to Ryan's case worker about all that has happened this week I was a little overwhelmed. On Monday Ryan's mom had sentencing for charges in Keith County that she pled no contest to last month. She had told us that there was no way they would put her in jail since she was having visits with Ryan here and was sure she would get probation. Well she was sentenced to 90 days with 22 days credit served and was transfered to the jail here in North Platte. I talked to Ryan's lawyer and she checked with the county attorney and found out that if Cindy is given credit for good time(I guess if you are good they give you extra days towards your sentence) then she could serve only 53 days which would be 31 days(I am not sure if that includes sitting out court costs) so she could be out the beginning of next month. Anyway this pushes back the goal date for reunification or adoption, which makes it feel like our time in limbo is being prolonged.

But after talking to the case worker I started having a moment of thinking about things and these are some thoughts I had, "What if we do adopt him and he: never views us as parents; comes to think we stole him from his mom; becomes resentful towards us and instead of helping to heal him he becomes worst; he grows up and never wants another thing to do with us once he is out of the house; his sometimes jealousy towards Alex just grows and becomes not just sometimes but a horrible obvious resentment, etc. See how crazy my mind was going. These are things that can happen even between our own bio kids, but for some reason with it being about a non-bio kid the worries are so much more in my face.

So here is what I have decided parenting is like....making a quilt. With your own kids you get to pick out the pattern, you decide how much time you put into it, if you want to do any special stitches to make it more beautiful, what kind of batting you want so it can be as soft and comfortable as possible, if you want to put the effort into making it a quilt that will withstand wear and tear or if it will fall apart. So in the end your quilt is what you make it. Your child is what you make them(to an extent, there comes a point when your child's choices are their own and  they become what they choose to become regardless of  your parenting whether good or bad.)

But with Ryan it is like I am being given a quilt that is ripped, tattered, worn thin, threads showing, and dirty and all I can think of is do I have the ability and love to re-enforce all the weak seams, to patch the holes with beautiful new fabric, to re-quilt with new batting, to lovingly wash taking special care on stains left behind. Do I have the ability to take a child who is so battered and broken in somewhat unobvious ways to the world and help him become the man God created him to be.

With my own kids I know that I make mistakes, we all do, but I love my kids, have been there from day one and I am the only mom that they have ever had and so I am not as worried about all the terrible choices they could make. It isn't like the fear I have that I might not be enough to change the pattern that has formed in Ryan's heart. I guess that is where I step back from trying to be the one that "fixes" him and allow God to heal the hurts.