Ryan has been having a hard time these past 2 weeks. He got to the point where from Sunday until about early afternoon today that he only wanted to lay around curled up with his coat on or under a blanket and sleep. He was no longer suffereing from a headache or stomach ache(he was getting physically ill from all the emotions he is bottling up) but he was just not motivated to do anything but lay around and sleep. He didn't want to interact with us or do anything, not even play xbox or play outside.
I have been trying to get him to come out of it, so when I was playing my Sims 3 game and he was really interested in it, I decided to let him create himself. So we set together and worked on his Sims person, got him a house, and then made him a wife. He seem to perk up after that. Played some xbox with Alex and even played around the house for a bit.
He also went to see his mom and he seemed to enjoy his visit, which I am so grateful for. I believe he does love his mother and wants to feel loved by her, but that he is afraid of the life he has lived with her being on drugs. I can understand his wanting acceptance and unconditional love from his mom, but knowing what it is normally like. That when she is on drugs, she isn't the same mom. And I am guessing he has seen her being on drugs more than not in recent years. And though he wants to believe things will be different, he fears that it is all just going to go back to the same old thing.
I totally get that, because I would LOVE to believe she is changing her life and she WILL stay clean. Unfortunatly I have seen her say all this 2 times already this year, just to have her run off twice after getting back into drugs, so I have little trust in her this time. I hope she proves us wrong and she stays clean forever. BUt I fear it is only a matter of time before she goes back to drugs and Ryan will be back in that life, afraid and alone with no way to deal with his emotions.
I just wish this was easier. That Ryan was more emotionally able to cope. That his mom wasn't such a good liar and so convincing, so you have little trust in what she says cause you know she can make you believe whatever she says. That she wasn't so caught up in this life, that getting out of it will possibly be too big of an obstacle that she might feel like just giving up and going back to drugs. That I didn't have this horrible fear that he will go back to live with her whether she has really changed or not and be subjected into whatever choices she makes.
I guess I really need to take this all to the Lord in prayer! He is so much more sufficiennt to handle this and praise God He truly cares!!
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