Sometimes I am amazed at how harshly we judge ourselves and feel we are insufficient in so many ways, yet others look at us and think we are doing the impossible so well. Just like every other mom in the history of time, I go through times where I feel the iron of this "Iron Woman" starting to crack under the pressure. All the demands of our 4 kids, housework, school stuff, church stuff, and normal life, then an additional child coming into our home and all the stuff that his needs adds, counseling, extra time, court, etc, is just overwhelming at times. I feel like I am barely able to keep track of myself, let alone all that I have to remember for the rest of the family and such. This week has been full of those days where I just felt like I couldn't do anything right, like I am a chicken running around with my head cut off.
And this week I have had numereous people tell me that they think I am doing a great job. That I inspire them with my ability to handle it all, take in Ryan, and make it all work so well. I have even been complimented on my relationship with God, which I honestly feel is no where close to what it needs to be. John has even told me that he has had a couple of women comment to him that they look up to me and think I am doing a really good job.
Now I don't say this to boast, because I honestly feel that if they were to see me in every moment of my day to day, they would see me for the flawed woman that I am who is covered in grace and mercy by God. I just say it because it has opened my eyes to the fact that when we feel down on ourselves, comparing ourselves to others and never measuring up in our eyes, we need to realize that we are all loved by God who is passionate about us. When he looks at us, he doesn't see what we are not, he sees us for the person He created us to be. He didn't create us to be independent able to do it all on our own, He created us to be dependent on Him. If we can do it on our own, what would be our need for a savior?
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