My wrist have been bothering me since forever. I have always had bad wrist. I did something to them with I was young that caused them to be weaker and painful at times. So every time I would have pain, weakness, numbness, tingling in the past year and a half, I just figured it was from that. Well my left wrist has been in horrible pain for over a week now. I figured I had over extended it even though I didn't remember doing anything to it. Well yesterday when my right started hurting and I KNEW I didn't do anything to that one, I started looking on the Internet for possible reasons.

Carpal tunnel kept coming up as the possible reason and when looking at the symptoms and all my past problems it dawned on me that that could be the issue. So I went to the doctor because I know it is a degenerative problems and I don't want to end up with no feeling in my hands if that is the issue.

Well it is official I have carpal tunnel. I go at the end of November to get a test to see how bad it is(if they can't move my appointment up) and am looking at the possibility of surgery on both wrist. Needless to say I am glad to know the reason for all these issues, but I do not want to have surgery. With 5 kids to care for, I don't know how that will fit into my life. But I guess we will see what the doctor ends up saying next month.

Our trip so far

       
On our way to my brother Casey's we stopped and took our picture with the "World's Biggest Ball of Twine." It was started in 1954. Kinda corny, but hey that is us. lol
                                        

 We went out to Olive Garden the second night we were in town. We LOVE Olive Garden and Alex has been begging us to go back and get some more of their chicken gnocci soup since we went last year. I surprised Casey by arranging the waiters to sing for his birthday which was earlier in the week. I think he was actually happy that we remembered, although he later threatened my life. lol

 Yesterday we went to Fort Riley to see where Casey works. It was a beautiful  day and the kids enjoyed seeing all the military vehicles. Unfortunately the Custer House was closed and another museum they have a base, so we were a little bummed about that.

Today the plan is to get to a local pumpkin patch. It is going to be a fun day, after Mommy gets some caffiene running through my veins. A vacation with 5 kids is fun, but honestly you don't get that much rest. If the kids aren't sleeping well, Mommy isn't going to sleep that well. And Daddy and Uncle Casey have been staying up at night playing football on the xbox since they don't get to play it often, so they are tired too. Going to have to have a vacation at home to recover from the vacation at Casey's! lol

Destruction caused by drugs

Today when we were out looking at store here in Manhatten(my brother had to work, so we were killing time) I picked up a journal. I had Ryan's counselor and my sister suggest that I keep a journal of what has happened and my feeling about it so later if I choose to, I can give them to Ryan so he can understand more of what has happened. Right now we are kinda sheltering him from all the stuff, but someday he should know. Also his case worker told me it would be useful to note behaviors and stuff that is out of the norm so there is evidence of problems we have seen.

Anyway, so I decided I wanted to do it and finally got a journal and started writing. I think I could write for hours on all the truth that has come out about his birth, his life, and his case. It is unbelievable all that has came out and how so many were ignorate to it all or frankly didn't care because it wasn't their problem.

Then today I also saw that they charged Cindy's ex-boyfriend(I am assuming ex, but who knows) with child cruelty also. That man just keeps having charge after charge added to his list. We came across some letters he wrote about his life and the man has had a horrible life. He needs Christ in his life, he needs a Savior. His past haunts him and to forget it, he uses drugs and alcohol. And with that choice, brings him to choose to do what ever necessary to continue that cycle, which leads to more pain, guilt, and shame to deaden. It is sad how drugs and Satan can have such a hold on a life. I feel sorry for what he has gone through, but I pray that he comes to a moment of complete brokeneness in this that he finds Jesus. I am glad to see that he is having to answer for what he has done, but I wonder how we could change this problem with drugs.

I hate drugs and the legacy it leaves. Cindy has choosen a life of drugs, her birth parents chose a life of drugs, which lead to her birth and the decision to give her up for adoption. Ryan most likely was born because of drugs and irresponsible choices that came with the use of those drugs. He is battle something that he never chose, a legacy of drug use. I am praying that this generational curse tthat is attached to his life and the lives of his brother and sister would be severed before they ever consider trying them for themselves. what a horrible curse drugs are!! How many lives, families, and destinies have been destroyed because of the love of drugs!!

Well we made it to Casey's with our sanity still intact. It was kinda touch and go for a while, with Kennedy and JJ fighting in the way back and me threatening to climb through the car to come settle it for them(believe me they would not have liked it if I had to scale my way through the expedition to reach them, mama would have been mad!), Livie screaming to have food continously as a peace offering for keeping her in a carseat for 6+ hours, Alex going between asking me to help him with his homework, helping him on his gameboy, and begging to play games on my phone, Ryan being aggrevated by all the noise(you weren't the only one buddy! lol) and the endless question "Are we there yet?" that started before we even passed the Maranatha sign outside of North Platte.

But we got here. I have never seen 2 parents so thrilled to be out of a car before. I am not looking forward to the drive back.

Casey ended up having to go work today, so we are going to go through the mall and see if Dick's Sporting Goods has a rock wall here. I just hope the kids cranky attitudes stop SOON!!

14 years

Yesterday was John and my's dating anniversary. We have been together since 1997. 14 years I have had that amazing man by my side. I have been really blessed with our relationship. The years have deepened our relationship into so much more than I could have ever imagined.

So what did we do on our anniversary, you ask. Nothing out of the ordinary. He did bring me a starbucks coffee in the morning and it was really yummy. Then he went to sleep, I went on with my normal Monday, then woke him up so we could meet with Ryan's new on-going case worker. I made dinner, then took Kennedy to dance, came home and got kids to bed and then watched House together. It was a nice night of just being together.

I absolutetly love that we can just be on the couch cuddling and still enjoy our nights. We don't have to be out doing something to get time together all the time to feel connected.

Anyway here is a picture of John about a year after we started dating. This is the boy that I feel in love with.

And this is my man now. Nevermind the little boy looking all crazy in the picture. lol

My aunt was arrested today. I am ashamed to say I am glad. She will finally have to answer for endangering Ryan. She is charged with cruelty to a child/child abuse for Ryan's hair testing positive for meth. I am praying that this will force the courts to think long and hard about if it is in the best interest of Ryan to return to her ever.

I have to admit that I am starting to love that young man as a mother loves her child. How could I not? I wake him up every morning, take him to school, give him the support and care that a mother gives her children, tuck him in at night, rub his back to let him know he is cared for, it was bound to make him very dear to my heart. I can't imagine him not being part of our family now. We all love him and pray that he knows that he is loved and wanted.

I now realize I was very naive in my view of the world before. My view didn't involve real knowledge of how meth can change a mother's priorities from her children to just getting more meth and sex. I have always wondered how a mother could choose drugs over their child and kinda just ignored that part of the world. But having to see the effects everyday. Going to court and see parents choosing drugs over their child time and time again has opened my eyes. It is just too sad. I pray that this hold drugs have on people would be broken!!

I'm Not Enough!!! Yeah!!!

One of my biggest fears as a parent has always been, what if I somehow royaly screw up my kids. I mean to the point where they are sitting in a counselor's office years down the road telling them how they can not be productive adults who love the Lord because I didn't buy them a transformer every paycheck, etc. Now I am just being silly over the reason, but we all know that we carry around pains from our childhood that can still haunt us if we choose to let them. No matter how great the parent, they are bound to do something that leaves their child with some sort of pain, whether big or small. No parent is perfect.

But I also know that God is greater than my biggest shortfall! His grace is sufficient to cover every hurt or pain that my actions might cause my children. Praise God for that!!! I am by no means perfect, I try to do my best. To live a life that is honoring to God, but I still mess up, fall into sin, just like everyone else. I have yelled at my kids, lost my temper, and been cranky more times than I would care to share. But praise the Lord, that the God that I serve is big enough to show me the wrong in my actions and to heal my childrens' hearts.

I have been thinking about this subject very much in the past 6 weeks. As you know, my cousin Ryan has come to live with us and what a journey God is taking us on! It has been a trying, great, hectic, crazy, terrifying, confusing, joyous, amazing path that we have gone on through these past 6 weeks. We are in a situation that I always thought someday I would like to try(being foster parents) but never imagined it at this time in our lives or with one of my family members.

And in this situation is the child at the center, Ryan. He is an amazing young man, who God loves more than he knows. The second he was concieved in his mother's womb, God placed a call on his life, a purpose that Ryan has yet to discover. I have seen the pain and scars that have been inflicted on his young heart. Whether on purpose or unintentionally, the life he knew before coming to live with us has had an impact on his life. He has many things to overcome, many ways that he needs to grow in, and we hope to help him with these. And then my fear creeps up. What if I am not enough to do all that needs to be done in his life?!

Well I am not! Nope, me, Mandi Schimek, am not enough to heal his heart, mature him in ways he needs matured, and show him the love God has for him. Don't I feel great now, knowing I am not enough.

Actually I feel freed!! I am NOT enough!! Yeah!! This is not a yoke I have to carry! You know why? My Lord and Savior is enough! He is able to carry this yoke for me. I can come to him with all my insecurities in this situations, my fears, my prayers, my dreams for Ryan and our family, and lay them at His feet. He will cover all the places I can not, He will give me strenght when I am weak, He will give me all that I need to meet the needs of our 4 children and Ryan.

I thank God that I don't have to be Super Woman to do this! That I can be a woman who is imperfect, inadequate, and sometimes downright stubborn and by God's grace and mercy, we will not only make it through this situation just barely getting by, but my God will make this a situation where we come out stronger, as a family, as a couple, as parents, as people, as children of God. This will not only work, this will be amazing!! I serve a God that goes beyond the beyond! He doesn't just work something out, He is a God of miracles who pours blessings and mercy over us!

Actions speak louder than words!

I am wondering how someone can tell everyone how much their kids mean to them, how they are trying to straighten up their lives so they can make a real home for their family, and yet they have made no attempt their child in over 6 weeks to even TALK or contact them in ANY way. They have  skipped out of town without any notice to their case worker and has not talked to their case worker in 5 weeks. And not shown up to one court appearance. Actions speak louder than words, especially in this case!!!

As a parent one of the things that we pray is that our children get our best qualities and not our worst qualities. We want them to be strong, confident, and most importantly have a great relationship with the Lord. When we see our children showing our worst qualities, the things that we wish were different in our selves showing up in our children, that is something we hate to see.

But I have to say I am so proud that our youngest son, JJ, has inherited one of John's best qualities. John is the type of guy who can find something good in almost anyone. He is always speaking life into another person, feeling their pain and speaking blessings over them to lift their spirits. He gives very meaningful compliments and can show his love and concern for others in a way that is so often missing in this world.

JJ has gotten that amazing quality. He is always one to compliment people. He tells me all the time I am beautiful, I am the best mommy ever, etc. And it is not just me that he compliments. It is everyone he sees. He tells the guys at Casey's that they make the best breakfast pizza, makes sure to tell him classmates he is proud of them when he sees them in a dance program, etc. He loves to lift people us, make them feel loved, and also shows concern when he notices people are hurt or sad. He is just such a sensitive child. He might be a hand full who is all boy, but he DEFINATELY has been given a gift from God in touching people's hearts and affirming people.

Sometimes I am amazed at how harshly we judge ourselves and feel we are insufficient in so many ways, yet others look at us and think we are doing the impossible so well. Just like every other mom in the history of time, I go through times where I feel the iron of this "Iron Woman" starting to crack under the pressure. All the demands of our 4 kids, housework, school stuff, church stuff, and normal life, then an additional child coming into our home and all the stuff that his needs adds, counseling, extra time, court, etc, is just overwhelming at times. I feel like I am barely able to keep track of myself, let alone all that I have to remember for the rest of the family and such. This week has been full of those days where I just felt like I couldn't do anything right, like I am a chicken running around with my head cut off.

And this week I have had numereous people tell me that they think I am doing a great job. That I inspire them with my ability to handle it all, take in Ryan, and make it all work so well. I have even been complimented on my relationship with God, which I honestly feel is no where close to what it needs to be. John has even told me that he has had a couple of women comment to him that they look up to me and think I am doing a really good job.

Now I don't say this to boast, because I honestly feel that if they were to see me in every moment of my day to day, they would see me for the flawed woman that I am who is covered in grace and mercy by God. I just say it because it has opened my eyes to the fact that when we feel down on ourselves, comparing ourselves to others and never measuring up in our eyes, we need to realize that we are all loved by God who is passionate about us. When he looks at us, he doesn't see what we are not, he sees us for the person He created us to be. He didn't create us to be independent able to do it all on our own, He created us to be dependent on Him. If we can do it on our own, what would be our need for a savior?

What was I thinking?

Had to go grocery shopping today, which I noticed that I have avoided really "grocery shopping" like the plague for a couple of checks now. I would run and get a couple of things for meals and such but not get enough for multiple meals, let alone a whole paycheck of food and household items. I decided to just bite the bullet today and go for it. And although I didn't get everything I am sure, I got a good amount.

Now that reason I haven't really grocery shopped in a while isn't that I hate going. It is the process of taking kids to the store. I mean one or two isn't bad, but taking all 5 to the store to get all that we need gets overwhelming. And when I finally decide to go do it, I usually get overwhelmed by kids asking for this, or climbing on that, and just get enough for a meal or two.

So I was on my way with all 5 kids, and let me tell you I wasn't looking forward to this. I even questioned myself about having finally went off the deep end by even attempting this. I had to get air in one of my tires first and called my grandma to chit chat and see how she was. After me telling her my plan for the day, she said to drop off 2 kids and she would watch them. Score, down to Alex, Ryan, and Livie. Then when dropping them off, my mom came over and took Alex. Another one down!! So I called my mother-in-law in the off chance she would take Livie. Sure enough she did. So Ryan and I were able to go shopping together, which was much less stressed and we were able to talk and spend some alone time together. It was nice!

Courageous

Sunday my in-laws went to Gothenburg to see the movie "Courageous." They came back and said we needed to go see it and offered to watch the kids for us. So tonight we went up. It was nice because their theater is a small-town theater and is WAY cheaper for tickets and concessions. Of course it isn't as nice as North Platte's but it has a totally different feeling to it. It was like stepping back in time.

Anyway the movie was amazing. Not because it was full of actions and had a good plot line(which it did, but that wasn't the best part) It was awesome because it opened your eyes to the responsibility that comes with being a parent and a follower of Christ. When we have a baby often we don't think about what God has called us to by giving us this blessing. I thought I did, but this just opened my eyes to the reality of what we should be doing, and what we will need to focus on in the years to come.

This movie especially hit home with the fact they talk about kids without fathers, and how research is showing that this is harming kids more than we ever thought. Here we have a precious child of God, placed into our home who has been left by his mother, and the man he believes to be his father is not and has stated to the courts he never acted as a father to him. Just makes me so sad.

I praise God for using such an amazing movie as a way to open parents' eyes to the call that has been placed on their lives.

Maybe tomorrow.

As I said in my earlier post, this past week has been pretty rough on us. But I am so thankful that it is getting better. We are seeing God's grace and mercy and his protection in this situation. Praise the Lord for the peace He is giving us.

It has been a super crazy week though. Not only did we have all the stress from this attack, but we also had our normal day to day life to go through. Tuesday I don't think I got much down time. Got kids to school, then took Ryan to counseling, ran to Walmart after dropping him off, then realized I left part of my stuff at Walmart, but didn't have time to run back then, talked to the counselor, picked up pizza, took Alex some for lunch, came home and ate real quick, took Ryan back to school, ran back to Walmart, came home and changed, went to court for the second appearence of Ryan's case(mom didn't show up again), came home and got kids ready for family pictures, picked up boys from school, then had then changed and we got family pictures, then dinner, and some play time for kids, then put them all to bed. Needless to say it was a long, crazy day, and Wednesday was equally crazy. I would just like ONE day a week where I don't have to go anywhere but taking kids to school and picking them up. To be able to catch up on my housework for the week. Maybe tomorrow. lol

Praise God

This week has been a week of being majorly attacked by satan. Satan's whole goal is to kill, steal, and destroy. Kill our faith, steal our joy, and destroy our family. But praise God that the Lord is fighting this battle for us. When every ounce of our flesh cries out for truth to be known in the seas of outrageous exaggerations and vengence for the hatred spilling over unto us, the Lord is calling us to something higher. To give it to Him in prayer and trust that He is able to deal with it greater than we can. I am so thankful in the midst of this time, He is growing our faith, pouring joy over us, and bringing our family closer. Satan's truth brings death, God's truth brings life. Praise God for his mercy and grace and for the victory in this situation.