Deep thoughts that have been on my heart

 It really amazes...no that's not the right word....astounds me......not it either.....Ok it really confuddles me how people can go thru similar situations and walk away with complete opposite thoughts and beliefs from those situations.

I was talking to someone recently and someone they know and love grew up in an abusive home. Such a sad thing honestly how many children grow up in an abusive home. Seriously sometimes I wonder why such people were ever blessed with children, when they just end up abusing them in horrible ways. Sometimes I just don't understand things.

Anyway this person they love grew up in an abusive home and they walked away from that situation with the thought "God cannot be a loving god because of what I went thru." Now I grew up with abuse in the house. I am not going to go into details, but yeah it was there and it really left scars on my siblings and me. From an early age I have always had the unshakeable knowledge that "God IS a loving god because of what I went thru." I can remember one instance when I was an extremely young child, probably around 3-4 based on details I remember, and I was laying on my bed, maybe down for a nap and I just remember saying to myself, "God is real and He is watching over and protecting me." I had absolute faith that there was no way that God wasn't real and a real god would not put me in this position without being there watching over me. Looking back at that, I am amazed that at such a tender age, I just knew. That knowledge, that faith that God is real and He is my God!! That faith has never wavered and I can point that unwavering faith all back to THAT moment in THAT trailer house when that little itty bitty girl put her faith in a God that she knew was real and had no question that He loved her. 

And I know that this person my friend loves was in a worst situation than me from the sounds of it. Child abuse is horrible but there are some cases that just are absolute evil. I don't say that to diminish what happened to me or to any other person who was abused as a child, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, sexual abuse. Abusing a child is vile and wrong. And it can leave lasting scars....scars that show themselves again and again even long after you thought they had healed. 

I know that it might be hard to imagine a loving God, a loving heavenly father, if those who were suppose to be the ones who loved you where the ones that abused you. Hard to trust when the hand that was suppose to hold you and protect you, was the hand that beat you and abused you.

This morning as I was thinking on this I got this imagine of my little almost 3 month old. He is getting to the age where he can grasp things and boy can he hold on. I thought what if that's what we would be like with God as far as our need for Him, our desire for relationship with Him, like a little baby. When we are scared and just need comfort, we grasp onto Him, clenching His robe tightly in our hands, knowing that in His arms, we are safe. When we are tired, just like a little baby completely content and oblivious to the world, we find rest in His arms. When we need a good cry, like a little baby crying knowing mommy will rock and pat our backs, we allow ourselves to fall apart in His arms. 

That is how imagine God to be. I imagine that He is like the person that my little babies viewed me to be. They would find comfort, peace, love, acceptance, rest in my arms. Our little Addilyn has started preschool recently and it is a long day for her and every evening I hear "I just need Mommy". What if we were like that. After a long day, how often do I say "I just need God"? Not often honestly even though He is exactly what I need.

So I got a little off track there from my original thought. But honestly I pray that this person that is dear to my good good friend, and all those that have childhood scars find your comfort, your rest, your peace in God. He is a good loving heavenly father. I promise you. I know sometimes trust is a hard things after bad things happen to us by people we should have been able to trust. Even when the world seems cruel, even when the world hurts you, please know that there is a great God who loves you absolutely and completely. 

I thought she would never die

 I miss my grandma. 

My grandma dying never seemed like a possibility.  Logically I knew she was older....94. And I know everyone dies eventually.  But honestly I just expected her to always be here. She would for forever be my constant in my life. I just couldn't imagine her not being here.

She died at the end of February.  

It happened so fast in my mind and yet was probably obviously coming to everyone else. Sure she had been really sick and had been in the hospital but she had been in that situation and made a full recovery before. I had resolved myself to the fact she probably wouldn't go back home. We had talked about it, Grandma and I. About how it was probably best for her to remain in the nursing home so she could receive the help she needed and hopefully not be so lonely. She wanted to be home again and I wanted that for her, but we both knew that just wasn't going to happen. 

But I never thought goodbye was coming. I am just thankful that we got those weeks to say goodbye instead of the rushed goodbye in the hospital. 

I never expected after leaving the nursing home that Thursday and seeing her in the state she was, that I would only see her one more time to say goodbye. I called Mom to let her know Grandma was having a rough day but NEVER thought she was actually dying. All I remember was that look at her face as she looked up from having her head in her hands and looking at me and Addilyn but not really seeing us and just praying that she rest and feeling better. 

The next day I took JJ, Kennedy,  and Emmalee to say goodbye. Looking at her in that bed, looking so tiny and so frail, I just knew. This time was different.  This was goodbye. We shared memories of Grandma, I told the kids memories from my childhood, played the song she often played on our way to elementary school, we prayed over her, held her hand, and told her how much we loved her. 

Mom called me not 15 minutes after we left and Grandma was gone. I like to think that she was waiting for me to say goodbye one last time know how hard this would be for me.

We got close in these last few years, Grandma and me. She was always a bit part of my life, but in the past few years she was an ever bigger part. 

Oh I miss her. School started this week. I would call her basically every morning after dropping the kids at school to chat. Some days she would be the only adult other than John I talked to. Or I would stop by her house and we would chat while she ate breakfast.  

I still think about calling her all the time. I would call her all the time to tell her about random stuff throughout the day. I think it gave us both someone to just connect with daily. 

Now she is gone....and it feels like there is a hole in my life.  I wonder if she ever really know how much she meant to me?! I sure hope so. 

Nice little pity party today

 So it can be really hard for me to ask for help when I need it. I feel like past experiences have taught me that I am expected to be able to handle it all on my own without the help of others. If I ask for help believe me, I usually try to handle it myself first. I am really trying to be more open with my need for help, although I don't think I am doing very well.

My fear of.......well honestly rejection when asking for help is what really keeps me from asking. Rejection, judgement for needing help, and being viewed as a horrible wife, mother, person, etc.  I don't want to give the illusion that I am perfect at all, because I am absolutely not. I do however feel like I am expected to be by some. And by others I often feel like I am constantly being viewed as somehow lacking despite really, really, REALLY trying my hardest!! This is especially hard when you feel this judgement or rejection from someone you truly love and admire as a fellow woman of faith. I know honestly  most likely I am not being judged in the moments or rejected, but oh that is how it feels.

If I feel I am annoying someone, or viewed as expecting too much, or feeling judge, I pull back. I am coming to see that is a protection thing. Maybe if I don't ask too much, maybe if I don't call them as often, maybe then they wont view me as an annoyance. Honestly then it leaves me feeling so isolated. I don't do much outside of my household often. I love to be part of things, but I end up pulling back inside myself in an effort for self preservation and then feel even worst when no one seems to notice or care. 

Today has just become a hard day for me. At the moment I am back to thinking I will just stay in my little bubble at home, never talking to anyone, never reaching out for help, and never expecting to be viewed as special or wanted as anyone else. Even as I write this I know this is not true. These are my feelings, and feelings are not always truth. But then I hate how I always try to tell myself I am not allowed to feel because then I am not appreciating all I have, or I am not being fair to the other person, etc. 

It's February!!!

 It's February 1st of 2021!! That seems absolutely insane to me. Sometimes it seems I get so wrapped up in the day to day of our family life that when I stop and think about it I realize that weeks, maybe even months have passed in a blink of an eye. Yet while going thru it, it seemed to pass so slowly. It seems to weird how time can seem to barely move, yet in the same sense go by without you realizing it!!

So I started January with sitting down and making a few goals for 2021 but really sitting more goals for the month. I wrote them down and hoped to stay on track and achieve them all. Well some I did. I did keep up on my daily Bible reading, both our family and my personal. Now don't get me wrong I got behind a few days here and there but worked hard on only letting 1-2 days to go by before catching up. Our family Bible reading we are about 3 days behind now, but the important thing is we are doing it!! I also worked on the girls room a bit with their help and I was finally able to get purple buckets for Addy's clothes. I still need to label all of their buckets and get the room decluttered again. 

I did even accomplish some of my business goals. I did make it a priority to clean up my sewing room every week, I did my January Etsy stocking and I am working on my February stocking.

Other things I didn't acheive. I did not make it the whole month with any pop.....but I did make it 26 days and I honestly feel no shame over not making it the whole month!! I celebrated with a nice cold Mountain Dew. lol

I also did not lose the weight goal I had set. In fact despite losing 3 lbs, thanks to our carb heavy day yesterday(totally worth it because I ate yummy Casey's pizza!! Plus it was yum box day and Kennedy made me waffles for lunch. I regret nothing!!) I was only down .2 lbs this morning. Well maybe next month will be better. lol

I did not meet my sales goal for my business which was a bummer. It especially stinks that I haven't sold anything from my January stocking yet. I am really upset over this. My Facebook page and my Etsy shop just isn't doing as good as it used to. It has made me really question my work and my product, but I know that is just doubt talking and not the truth. I am trusting this is what God has for me right now, and praying maybe craft shows will be more my thing this year.

So I have two choices when looking back over my goals for last month and all I didn't accomplish or what I only partially accomplished. I could just give up setting goals. Say screw it and just act like it is no big deal and that I am not upset about it. Or I can acknowledge I wish I had been able to accomplish the goals I feel upset about, and move forward. Tweak my goals, look at ways to adjust what I am doing to see it I can do better. And set more goals for February. Even if I once again fall short in some areas, I am sure I will see growth in other areas!! 

Side note: This little booger cost us $500 last week. The poor guy was super sick and has bad kidneys. If you would please pray for our Olaf we would appreciate it. He really is an amazing cat and we love him to pieces!! He is doing better now, but this is the second time in 6 months he got that sick and honestly I don't think he ever really recovered the last time. He is on different food now and has some extra treatments scheduled in the future to help reflush out his kidneys so hopefully the stay healthy this time. 

 So earlier this week while reading my daily Bible reading, I got to pondering Heaven. Not the "what will Heaven be like" but thinking about all the souls in heaven. There are souls from so many different lifetimes. I wonder what it is like for someone from our lifetime and someone like Moses to interact. I mean our lives on earth, our Christian walk, our thought process, etc are so different. If I was in a room from someone that lives halfway around the world that is alive right now, we would be so different in probably almost every way. And that is someone living now. So what would it be like to interact with someone that lived thousands of years ago, in a very different place then the US? I mean can you imagine that?!

And then it got me thinking are we us in Heaven? I mean it seems kind of crazy to even think that we will be us in Heaven to me. I tend to think that our focus, our thought process, will be so changed from what it was here on earth. Our knowledge will most likely be so different, our thoughts will be soley on the eternal, not on the earthly. 

John and I were even talking about will we still be husband and wife in heaven, will we still have the relationships we have here on earth with others who go to heaven? I tend to think that while we might recognize each other as our spouse here on earth, the bond we had will not be the same. That's not to say that our relationships on earth don't matter, but in the eternality of Heaven I am not sure they matter like they do on earth.Like our thoughts will be so focused on God and worshipping Him, that all the human distractions will not be there anymore. 

Now I say this knowing I could be 100% wrong! And I say this absolutely loving my husband and my children and dreading the thought of not having them in my lives. I don't know what heaven will be like but I do know that it will be so much more amazing than I could ever imagine. There is a part of me that longs to be with my creator and king. I don't want to rush that time, but I look forward to Heaven and pray that when I get there, I get to see my precious babies I lost. I pray that even if we don't have the relationship I dream of, that God lets me hold them at least once when I get to Heaven. To be able to breathe in their scent and love on them just once. Just once will be enough for me. 

Deep thoughts

I am going to be vulnerable with you today, knowing that most likely this will never be read, so maybe my  "baring it all" wont be seen. lol

Yesterday was kind of a hard day for mentally and emotionally. Nothing huge happened really in my day, but I had a hard emotional and mental day for sure. It all started because John took the van for an oil change. We had noticed something was leaking and didn't want to put it off, so we had them check that out too. So we need a new water pump on the van. 

Now do we have the money for it? Yes, when we received the stimulus we put money aside to pay off 2 debts and put money into savings, so the money is there. I was so upset though internally. On the outside I was saying "it's no big deal" and internally I was really struggling. This is just ANOTHER things that widdled away at that money. So after this we can not pay off one of the debts, and possibly not all of the second either. I was feeling absolutely overwhelmed by this. 

Now if you don't know me, I struggle with allowing myself to feel feelings like this. In my mind it ends up being a big battle between my human feelings that it is understandable and feeling like by having these feelings that I am not grateful to God, that I don't trust his sovereignty, that I don't see the blessing in HAVING the money in the moment of need. Then I feel horrible about myself and feel like my faith is in my finances, myself, fill in the blank and not truly in God SIMPLY BY HAVING THESE FEELINGS. 

Then I felt horrible and overwhelmed even more. I just needed to spend time sewing and praying. Then I started feeling bad that my sewing business has been pretty slow in the past year or 2 and while I appreciated the slowdown when things were very hectic in life, I would love to see it pick up again. Then I was questioning is this what God still has for me to do with the talent he gave me? Is his desire no longer for me to have my business? Did I do something to dishonor him in my business practice? Did I lose sight of his blessings in my business? Then I felt horrible about questioning God about that.

So this morning I just continued to pray on this and really searching why I am like this with my feelings. Why I feel like human feelings are dishonoring to God? Isn't not like he is going to smite me for feeling overwhelmed or upset?

I really think it has to do with my feeling of needing to be as perfect as I possibly can, even though I know that is absolutely impossible!!! Is this a need I desire in myself? No, not by choice. Growing up I heard "so you think you are so perfect, don't you?!" in some various form often. It was a taunt, a cruel poke at how imperfect I truly am. I have often tried to justify why this was said to me, try to take away the sting of it, and all my faults that would be listed. To make it not affect me so much. It left me feeling like I HAD to be perfect. I was expected to be perfect. Maybe if I was perfect, or as close as I could come to it, I would be worthy of love. 

Looking back as a mother, I look back on young me and my heart breaks at that thought. I remember how I used to just wish I could know what people were thinking, know WHY they said the things they said, did the things they did, acted the way they acted. Maybe then knowing the why, they couldn't hurt me so much. 

I know God has worked on my heart so much. I see so much growth in my life, in my relationship with him and those around me. This area of feeling I need to be perfect, or as close as I can be, to receive love is the area I probably need the most healing!! The most work on. What would that even look like? How could that even happen? Would I even be open to working on that, to be vulnerable and allow God to work on possibly the deepest hurt in my heart. The thing that so affects EVERY aspect of me in some way. Who would I be without this? 

This was such a early hurt, thought process that took root long, long ago. I imagine it being a huge underground weed that has vines reaching out thru out me touching every part of my life. When I pull a huge week from my yard, I really have to get to the root of the issue to take of the problem. It disrupts the ground horribly, it is not a pretty sight afterwards without alot of care shown to the damage. How do I do that in my life? I really don't know. 

Emmalee turns 8!!

 Well birthdays in the Schimek household are over for a while. Emmalee's birthday marked 4 birthdays for our household in a month, plus 4 grandparents birthdays, Christmas, and New Years all in the timeframe makes for a jam packed month. Expensive too!! Thank you Lord for opening our eyes to budgeting!!

So today is our sweet Emmalee's birthday. I can't believe that 8 years ago I was cuddling my new baby girl in my arms and right now as I write this she is sitting her eating a bowl of cereal and talking to her sisters. 

We have tried to make it a point of making our kiddos birthdays special. Thru out the years how we do that has changed to fit John's work schedule, budgets, etc. We used to do special birthday breakfast when John worked afternoons(4-midnight), for a while we did birthday parties with inviting friends and classmates. Now what we do is dinner at the birthday child's choice of restaurant, then cake and presents at home with just us and the kiddos and sometimes a good friend. This works well for us and the kids really enjoy it. They feel special picking where to go and what cake they want. Sometimes they want a homemade cake, sometimes we buy one. As I get older I see that its not about how big of presents we buy, or having a huge birthday party. Those things are just fine. But for us and our kids, it really is about how special and loved they feel on their day. 

This year Emmalee changed things up!! She picked Qdoba for dinner and picked a homemade chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and topped with chocolate frosting and chocolate covered coffee beans, which she and her friend help decorate. She enjoyed her night!! She had requested I make her a unicorn shirt. I found this beautiful dress with a plain white top and beautiful pink tulle with silver unicorns for the skirt. I bought a super cute svg file of Etsy and put it on with my cricut and heat press. I did her hair up all cute and we topped it with a JoJo bow. She looked like the beautiful princess she is!!

 

I don't know about you but in our household we struggle with attitudes and behaviors in ours. And I would love to say that it is in the kiddos only and that my husband and I NEVER have bad attitudes or behaviors. But alas that is not true, not by a long shot.

I have really been thinking on why we get stuck in a pattern of bad attitudes and behaviors. How it is that those nasty comments, nasty attitudes, and all around nastiness can so easily take over our lives, our families, our hearts. 

One big huge reason I think is we end up justify our bad behaviors and bad attitudes. We get to a point where we are so easily offended, so easily upset that we feel justified in being nasty, in being in a bad attitude. Our inner voice loves to scream why we are justified for our actions!! And how dare anyone question our justification!!! 

I don't know about you but I find that this justification leaves me exhausted!! Being in a bad mood and so easily offended all the time steals our joy! It disrupts our homes!! It can ruin marriages!! That justification can leave us bitter and miserable, and even make us cruel to those we love.

One thing I tell my kiddos is that we can't control others actions and attitudes, but we can control ours. The problem is while we CAN control our actions and attitudes, so often we end up justifying why we DON'T. Giving reasons why it is completely understandable.

I have been praying that God changes this in me. That He gives me a renewed attitude and heart. Honestly I didn't really start actively praying for this until I already saw evidence of this happening in my heart already. When I already noticed a change and I saw how much freedom was in that change. I don't want to be so shackled to my attitude of justification, which also means shackled in my anger, bad attitude, fill in the blank, that I lose all joy in my life. 

I am not meaning that we don't have reasons to be annoyed in situations from time to time, or being angry over something is wrong. But I notice so often something that really should only mildly annoying before could make me so absolutely angry. And why? Because I felt justified in my anger.

Last night John and I went out for dessert. I really wanted this particular dessert from a particular restaurant, so that is where we went. We go to order and low and behold they are out of said dessert. Now this could have made me really upset, I mean I wanted that dessert, I came for THAT dessert my inner justification could have screamed. Yet I wasn't upset, I actually was 100% ok and chose another dessert that had grabbed my eye.....then about 5 minutes later the waiter was walking towards our table. I commented to John "I bet he is going to say they are out of my dessert." And they were. 

Now again my inner child could have screamed that I was justified to be upset, to be nasty to the waiter, to refuse to tip him for having the audacity to not only be out of one dessert I wanted but TWO!! But my response....I laughed out loud. Seriously I laughed out loud. And I ordered a third dessert that sounded amazing. And it was. 

Now I tell you this not to sound all amazing and thinking I am better than anyone who might have been offended, but because I am absolutely amazed and appreciative of this change in my heart. The change that God has been doing. I don't want to be a person who looks for ways I have been offended, wronged, or am justified to be in a bad mood, because you know what? I could always find a reason to be offended, wronged in someway, or justified for being in a bad mood. I want to find reasons to be happy, to see the blessings around me, reasons to smile and thank God for this change in my heart. 

You know what is super annoying to me? When I go to put trash into the trash can and the bag is falling down and I notice people have just been tossing things on top of it. You know who else this annoys? My boys whose job it is to take out the trash. The crazy thing is that the reason it is falling down is their fault. I have told them time and time again when putting in the bag, if they put the bag in with the seams going to the sides of the can, it stretches and stays secure. If they put the bag with seams to the front and back, for whatever reason the bag just doesn't stay secure. Every time I tell them this they roll their eyes and huff, but yet they don't seem to get it, it hasn't fully sunk in. Thus the bag keeps falling down from time to time.

I keep asking my husband "someday they will get it right?" Lamenting to my other mommy friends, praying to God "please let my children become capable adults." You know the cries that most parents at one point or another have cried. lol. And then I see them show me that they are learning. They might put in the trash bag wrong from time to time, they might leave their clothes all over the bathroom floor after getting dressed, they might just walk off not wiping down the counters after doing dishes from time to time. 

BUT there are days where they see the trash needs taken out and do it without asking. There are days when I come home from running errands they all rallied together and cleaned the main parts of the house(happened once but man it was awesome.) There are days when they girls are told to pick up their room and they clean it so good and without any fighting. 

There is hope!!! They are learning!!! And they just might become capable adults yet. :)

 Hi,

So it's been a while. Like 6 years and 2 months. Well there have been some changes, like we have 7 kiddos now not 5, our kiddos are older, I would like to think my husband and I are wiser but honestly who knows. lol. I feel like life is just revolving phases sometimes. There are phases of wisdom and phases of "what were we thinking." Such is life. :)

I decided I wanted to start blogging again because I have been having alot of thoughts and internal dialog with myself and with God lately. I am a "got to talk it out" type of person. Not necessarily with other people, I just need to talk things out, sometimes out loud and sometimes just in my head. I have always been like that. I remember being a young girl walking the short walk from our house down a couple houses to Grandma's and talking things out as I go. I had many a good talks with myself and ultimately with God on the short walk.

Anyway I feel like I am in a place where I desire conversation with others, or maybe just to get them to ponder things that maybe they never thought about before. I am coming to see that depending on where we are in our lives, in a healthy spot or maybe in a really hard spot, our thoughts might be different on topics that we viewed in another light before. 

So basically I am wanting to start blogging again for a place for my ramblings. lol. My thoughts that I find inspiring, or the funny moments of my life with 7 kiddos, or maybe even my low moments. I don't know if anyone will read this ever. Maybe someone will.  My intent isn't to even necessarily to have anyone read it. I just felt having a place to write and maybe, just maybe, reach someone, put a smile on someone's face, or even make someone go "well at least I have it more together than her," might be worth while. 

I plan to go back and read my past posts and see what I felt lead to write in the past. Isn't it crazy how sometimes reading our past thoughts and words are like we are seeing them for the first time. That they seem like they are someone else's words. How we can change so much in life. 

Many blocks to build a house

Ever feel like you just don't measure up? That when you look at the other moms, women, daughters, wives, etc, that you never are at the level of others? That there is always someone who is better at cleaning house, who juggles the duties of mommy-hood, who seems more Christ-like, fill in the blank?

 

I will admit that I feel this way often. And even though I try to act like I don't, I more often than not, feel like I am just sub par compared to others.

 

Tonight we had a board meeting and my husband gave a good devotion. He shared this scripture:

 

As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God

and precious to him—  you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual

house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God

through Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 2:4&5

 



He then shared that we are all block used in building the kingdom of God. And like blocks, we all come in different sizes and are used for different needs. He encouraged us to not look at ourselves and judge others or ourselves usefulness or effectiveness based on how we measure up.

 

I mean think about it, blocks are often cut from bigger stones. They are grinded, cut, shaped, etc until they are ready. They come in different strengths, and are used in different capacities. We are just like that. No I might not be just like someone else, but I am still extremely useful to the kingdom of God. And so are you!



Phases and grace go hand in hand

Well it has been over a year and a half since my last posts. Funny how while some things have changed for the most part life seems to just have continued on.

One thing that I notice about having 5 kiddos is that we always seem to be in the midst of phases. One child is leaving a phase to have the next go through it. The never ending revolving door of phases. lol 

I wonder if past parents just started the saying "it's just a phase" as a way to be hopeful. Being just a phase means that at some point then, that this phase will come to an end and yhur child(ren) will one day move past this annoying, hair pulling out, screaming inducing part of their childhood, leaving you hopefully in a better spot sanity wise.

Of course what most will never tell you is that your child will then likely start a new phase, often a harder phae. A new area to test your parenting skills at and then you cling to that hope once more. And if you have more than one child(or for you real nuts like me, many more children) then you will have multiple children, in multiple phases all at once. Pulling you in so many different directions that your head will spin. And your sanity you ask? Well it is better to just wave goodbye to it, because it wont be returning anytime soon.

Then when you are at your wits end, rocking back and forth in the corner, babbling to yourself reminding yourself "It's just a phase" the universe will grant you a huge blessing and you will see your child doing something completely amazing, like reading a book to a younger sibling or playing nicely all together without fighting, or a family or friend will call you up to share something sweet and kind your child did or said, and you will realize that whatever you are doing as a parent, whatever you are saying to child amidst what seems to be constant yelling and correcting at times, that they are turning into some amazing little people.

You will look back at your outing to Walmart with them and how you felt they were running all over and everyone who passed you was staring at you and questioning your parenting skills and why you even felt qualified to entertain the idea of children and you will take off the non rosed color glasses and realize that your outing and the perception of the trip was two different things.

I remember once when Emmy was tiny and John and I took all 5 kiddos out for lunch. Emmy was needing attention and the others were just being kids. We had decided to take them to a little diner, which we regretted because it was full of elderly couples and we were sure we were ruining their lunch. Here I was a tired mom, with a tiny baby and 4 young children, whose only real "crime" was acting like normal children and I felt like a failure.

Then as we were leaving we had a lady come up and tell us she was a retired teacher and her husband and her enjoyed seeing our family and mentioned how well behaved our kids were. John and I looked at each. "BEHAVED?" but as we looked through the eyes of grace and mercy and saw the reality of the day, we saw they were actually pretty good. And to top it all off we found out a lovely gentleman paid for our lunch, also commenting on how well behaved our children were.

So fellow parents, whatever PHASE you find yourself and your children to be in in this season of your life, show yourself and your children some grace. Someday you might actually miss this season of life. (I know, I know, it seems unlikely, but trust me, it does happen)

School is out. It is officially summer.

It sure doesn't feel like summer yet though. It has been cooler the last 2 days. And for some reason, it really doesn't seem like the school year is over. Maybe it is because I have been busy with school stuff along with normal life and kids have been at grandparents houses so it still seems like they are at school.

I have been keeping busy with my crafts. I have sold 6 sets on etsy since starting to sell just over a month ago. I also have been started making custom diaper bags to sell. I am having so much fun. Just wishing I would sell more so I could buy more fabrics. Having to keep myself from buying all the cute fabric I see. Pretty sure I have a crafting addiction.lol

Happy Mother's Day everyone! For many today is a day where we feel loved, blesses, and celebrated. But there are those who today is a day of sorrow and seems more like a torture to see on the calander. I am talking about those mothers who have lost their babies. Or those who have tried and tried and never actually gotten pregnant.

Please join me in praying for peace in the hearts of these women. To pray for healing and God to bless them greatly today. Thank you for doing so.

Been busy

I haven't posted in a bit. That is because I have been busy. I have been working crafts. I have sold quite a few sets of my money envelopes and even have had 2 customers order more after recieving theirs because they like them so much. That is awesome!!

I am so happy because I LOVE to create!! I even made a really pretty quilt and put it on my etsy site to sell. I have had alot of compliments but so far haven't sold it, but I hope too. I really enjoyed making another quilt. It was so much fun to see it take shape. I can't wait to make more quilts and other crafts.

But Mom, I wanted that one

As a mom of 5 young children, one of the most annoying things I deal with in my day is whining. "But Mom, she always gets to sit there," "But Mom, I wanted the green one," Mom why didn't I get a toy," "But Mom, I always have to clean up the living room," etc, etc.

Somedays I am convinced that my children native language is in fact whine. Sometimes I hear whining when there is no one around. Sometimes it feels like no matter what I do, it is not good enough.

Ever wonder if that is how God feels? If I am truly honest, there are times when I overlook the abundant blessings God has placed in my life, because I am too focused on the blessings He has given someone else. How sad, because it means I am missing out on the gifts I have.

I serve an amazing God who loves and adores me. He cares about me so much that He knows the exact number of hairs on my head. Now that is a dedicated and loving Heavenly Father!!

I need to be more aware and appreciative of the many blessings that God has given me and stop feeling His ear with whining. Because He has already blessed me more than I ever deserved.

Something new in my life

So it has been a few weeks since I have posted. Life is going good here in the Schimek household.  Everyone asks me how it is being a mom of 5 and honestly I have to say, it has been relatively easy. I can't recall any of our children being a huge adjustment. Maybe it is because our babies are pretty good compared to other babies from what I hear from other moms. Our babies have always slept pretty good, eat good, don't cry all the time, and are pretty happy.

The school year is winding down and the kids are excited for summer. John and I are looking forward to the school's dinner theater program and JJ's kindergarten graduation.

One not so great thing is that John, Kennedy, the boys and I went to the dentist. Kennedy has one small cavity that they decided to hold off on filling since it was so small, I had only 2 small cavities that I got filled, John had a whooping 8 cavities he is in the process of getting fixed, and then the boys.....Alex needed 2 fillings and 3, count them THREE caps, and JJ needed 1 filling, 3 caps(although one they were able to avoid capping) and 1 tooth filled. Just paid off the dentist bill and now have another big one. Praise God we have good dental insurance.

Now for my news I am excited about. Maybe for some of you this will be no big thing, but for me it is something we have needed to start again. So about 2 weeks ago I was kinda freaking out about dental bill and was wondering how we would manage payments on it. I mean lately it seems like even though John gets really good paychecks and we don't have any huge bills or alot credit card debt, it always seems like by the end of a pay period we are broke and haven't paid all our bills. So I started looking at our bank statements and figured out that we were WAY over spending our food budget because we were spending way more on resturants and fast food than I imagined.(it was insane)

Then I was looking on pinterest to get some crafting ideas and came across fabric money envelopes someone was selling on etsy. Then it was like a ton of bricks fell on my head. Of course, money envelopes. We tried them once but never really did it for long. But I decided we were doing them again. So I decided to make my own(which are super cute) and get back on the system.

I actually am really enjoying it. I made 7 envelopes, and labeled them groceries, going out(for fast food), pop(yes we need to budget for pop, but it is cheaper than some habits), gas money, misc(for hair cuts, etc), bills(that I pay around town), and another one that I haven't decided on yet.

Then I took them and some other people saw them and they ordered some. So I decided that I am going to sell some on etsy(other people are charging way more than I wanted to spend, so I made some more reasonable) and take orders for those who know me. I had one lady order a set for her kids that have 3 envelopes in each set, one for Tithing, Saving, and Spending.

I am going to also make a set for saving for Christmas that has an envelope for each kid and John in fabric that reminds me of them, and also a set for my crafting so I can budget my money for selling my crafts(praying I can sell some more) and set back tithing money, then split the rest between money to buy more crafting supplies and paying money on a bill or something we need to pay off. That way I can have something I am actually paying on and feel like I am contributing some financially.

So here is a picture of my envelopes. Aren't they super cute?

 

Here is my etsy store if you want to check it out. https://www.etsy.com/shop/Tutuprecious

To much!!

Chalk it up to having 5 kids and seeing the cost of having a large family or the fact that I am going through my house cleaning out all the clutter and abundance of stuff, but I have been seriously rethinking how I go about presents for the kids(birthday, Christmas, Easter, etc) and also other items we bring into our house.

I went into the girls room the other day and in only 20 minutes had 2 garbage bags of stuff to get rid of. 2 bags and that didn't even make a dent. We have allowed our house to become storage for stuff we don't really need. I want to change that and the amount of money that we spend on things we shouldn't spend it on.

Anything worth having is worth working towards

We have become a society where we want what is easy. As a whole, we have become people who if it takes a little work or time, we would rather just not have to do it. We don't want our kids to have to go through a little bit of a hardship, to go without something they want, buy them cars when they are 16, bring their stuff to school if they forget it, come to their rescue if they have their littlest issue, etc. What are we really teaching our children and ourselves?!

I for one seeing the effects of this in my life and my family and I am not liking it. I am becoming a soft, selfish, lazy person. I want to teach my kids to become responsible, hard working, active people. And how can I do this, if I constantly make excuses why I am not keeping up with what is my responsibilities, or taking care of myself .

I heard something the other day, "If you really want it, you will make it a priority, if you don't, you will make an excuse." It is one thing to have a legitimate reason that you are unable to do something you HAVE or NEED to do(not meaning everything people would like you to do, but the things that are needing to be done because it is your responsibility), but if you always have a reason you can't do something, but you have time to do other things than you are just making an excuse. Example. I need to work out but I don't have the time. Yet I have time to park it in front of the tv for hours each day, then it is just an excuse! This is one of my problems. With sports season right now, I can't make it to the class I started going to, but I am trying to make time during the week to do a home dvd to make up for it. Not giving into the excuses going through my head!

Embracing change

Maybe it is the hormones from after having a baby or old age setting in, but I have noticed recently that I have changed in some ways. How you ask? Well my tastes in fabrics has changed. Now maybe others would not notice something like this, because not a whole lot of people work with fabrics often, but I love fabric! It is a love I don't always get to indulge because of my busy life, but when I get a chance I love to create.

Here recently I have been making stuff again...clothes for the girls; bunnies, robots, and rag dolls to donate; a blanket for a friend's baby; and recovering my dining room chairs. I picked out material for my chairs and the girls' dresses that a year ago I probably would have never considered putting in my house, but now I love them both!

I also notice that I gotten into the mood to purge stuff that we don't need. I have gotten rid of TONS and I mean tons of stuff that was in my house or storage sheds that we don't need or really want. And even with what I have already gotten rid of, there is still probably at least 1/4-1/2 of the stuff in our house that we don't really need. We all have way to many clothes, many of which we never wear, the kids have so many toys that their rooms are always a pit and they have no idea what they even have. Heck I went through the girls room once and got rid of a bunch of stuff but now see I wasn't picky enough about what I kept, and went through the boys room twice and they still have too much stuff. I want to purge a bunch more and simplify my house so it is easier for me to manage.

And then there are the ways I want to change. Like my housework. I am by no means a perfect housewife! I look at all these blogs of other moms with 4 or more kids and they are posting about organizational tips they have, or how they keep their house presentable while chaos is running amuck around them and know there is no way that will ever be me. And I don't really have any desire to spend every minute of everyday cleaning, but I do want to have a house that I am not ashamed when people stop by unannounced.

This week I have decluttered  my dining room and kitchen a bunch(you can actually see the top of the dresser in there) and have been keeping up on the dishes. I have washed dishes 3 times a day everyday. I am so proud of myself! Actually is quicker to just do them after every meal. And then I have been trying to keep up on laundry and fold them right away, which doesn't always happen, but I am trying.

I think the decluttering of my house will help with my desire to keep my house look more presentable. And also better organization and storage usage in my house. I know some people hate getting older, but I am embracing the older me and how I have changed. Well at least the good parts, the weight gain I am not embracing. lol