I am done!!

I had something said to me that really hurt me and makes me question why this would even be thought. I will not tell you the context it was said it but what was said is basically I/me and John were just waiting for this person to step aside for a moment so we could sweep in and take the power and be in charge. Now there has been multiple instance in the past years where we have been in a situation where something happens where we are asked/expected to carry on something after others leave and/or mess up and have to be removed or have time to work things out. None of this was in anyway our doing and often we were blindsided by the need for us to step up. But yet we have stepped up multiple times. It is never easy and sometimes not even something we neccasarily wanted to do at the time, but yet that is what was needed. And I can tell you everytime our motives have been questioned. And frankly I am sick of it!!

I didn't ask to have to pick up the pieces TWICE after 2 different youth leaders compromised themselves and the ministry and had to be asked to leave. I didn't ask for my aunt to turn to drugs and us to asked to open our home to Ryan. I haven't asked to be one that rises up to carry on in all these cases. I feel like I/we are being viewed badly and having our motives questioned because we have the ability to step up in a hard situation and try to make it work. Like our ability to do this, means it was our plan the whole time. Would it make people feel better about us if we crumbles and fell apart? Because believe me you can only be questioned so many times before you start to build up a wall!! Until you start to feel like what it the point in trying or caring!!

I don't know what it is about me that is threatening or abrasive. I try to do what I am called to do, to do it to bring glory to the Lord and also honor the responsibility that the task requires, but after being condemned or questioned so many times, I lose my desire to even try. Let somebody else try to do it.