I have been wondering how it is possible to have such conflicking feelings happening me all at once in regards to this pregnancy.
On one hand I am perfectly content to just be pregnant. Well aside from all the nasty morning/afternoon sickness that still plagues me from time to time. But knowing this is my last pregnancy, I am enjoying feeling the baby move around. I am in no rush to get this pregnancy over with, although I could do without all sickness that I have had with this pregnancy.
Then I am so excited to meet this baby that I can't wait until January so I can hold my little one. I am so excited to see her and kiss her little head. To hold my last baby and love on her.
And at the same time I go through times of "what the crap was I thinking" thoughts running through my head. I am enjoying having no babies in the house at the moment and not having to lug everything with us that babies need. I was looking forward to almost being out of diapers and having in 2 years having all the kids in school for a couple of mornings everyweek and being kid free for a bit. But now we are starting all over.
And finally I have times where I honestly forget that I am pregnant. Maybe it is because I have been pregnant so many months of my life that it must not be such a huge thing to remember. Like it is just normal and nothing out of the ordinary.
It is just strange that in the course of a day, I can have all these thoughts and feelings. Maybe I am developing multiple personalities. lol
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Notice my lack of posts?!
So if anyone is wondering the reason for my lack of posts lately it is not because I have fallen off the face of the earth. And even though life has been crazy, that isn't even the reason. My darling husband broke MY computer screen and I am without a computer at home right now. It was truly an accident which is the only reason he is still breathing.(Just kidding....or am I?! lol)
No, in all seriousness he was walking while holding the laptop and trying to type it, WHILE on the phone. He tripped and the computer screen was no more. But praise God, after discussing the real need of the computer and if it was necessary to spend the almost $200 to fix the screen right now and making the decision the it in fact is not a need to have it fixed right now, more of a want and we were going to wait, I found our warranty we purchased on the computer when we bought it. And wouldn't you know it computer screens on laptops are covered. So thankful that we waited on repairing it, otherwise we would have paid for something that we can get for free.
Now I am just waiting for the box to come so I can ship off the computer and hopefully have it in 10 business days after the company recieves it. Until then, I only have a computer to use when I am at the church or in the school office on Mondays. And actually I am not minding it too much. We have our smart phones so we can do most of what we need on them, but unfortunately I haven't figured out how to blog on it yet. So until I can blog again, have a good day.
No, in all seriousness he was walking while holding the laptop and trying to type it, WHILE on the phone. He tripped and the computer screen was no more. But praise God, after discussing the real need of the computer and if it was necessary to spend the almost $200 to fix the screen right now and making the decision the it in fact is not a need to have it fixed right now, more of a want and we were going to wait, I found our warranty we purchased on the computer when we bought it. And wouldn't you know it computer screens on laptops are covered. So thankful that we waited on repairing it, otherwise we would have paid for something that we can get for free.
Now I am just waiting for the box to come so I can ship off the computer and hopefully have it in 10 business days after the company recieves it. Until then, I only have a computer to use when I am at the church or in the school office on Mondays. And actually I am not minding it too much. We have our smart phones so we can do most of what we need on them, but unfortunately I haven't figured out how to blog on it yet. So until I can blog again, have a good day.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Next week and a half
The next week and a half is going to be full of ups and downs. The last night Ryan is scheduled to actually be in our home as our foster child is on Sunday night. And with the way his visit with his mom is set up he will be home at 8 at night, so basically he will be coming home to bath and go to bed. Then I drop him off at school on Monday and he is with his mom the rest of the week.
Wednesday Kennedy turns 4. It is so hard to believe my little baby girl is turning into such a big girl. I love seeing my children grow up but it makes me sad how fast it goes. We will have her party on Thursday and she is already trying to plan an overnight with a friend. She is too young for overnights.
Also on Thursday we are have our appointment to go see the sex of the baby. This is kinda bitter sweet, because as excited as I am to find out the sex of the baby, this will be our last appointment ever of finding out the sex of one of our babies. Although I am totally at peace with this being our last, it is still kinda sad knowing this is the last time we will ever having the excitement waiting to find out the sex of a baby John and I created.
Then on Friday, Ryan is scheduled to be released into his mom's care. He will no longer be our foster son. Although it had been nice having him being with his mom more lately so that our kids can enjoy just being us for a bit, it is very sad. It is bringing an end to the year that we have had him. In that year, God has grown and stretched us in ways I never imagined. Sometimes it wasn't fun or enjoyable and other times it seemed so natural. It will just being sad not seeing Ryan on a regular basis. To not know what he did at school every day and how things are going. We are thinking of asking to still have him one a week or so, so that our relationship isn't lost and that he knows we still love and care for him. I have to admit, I don't have complete peace with him going home especially in light of some very troubling info I just found out, but I am trusting God and praying His will. As much as we love and care for Ryan, God loves him way more than I ever could. No matter what God will be with him through it all.
And then on the following Tuesday Alex starts 2nd grade and JJ starts Kindergarten and on Wednesday Kennedy starts preschool. My house be quieter during the days. Wonder if I will get more stuff done around the house. lol
So anyway this time will be full of smiles and probably some tears. But praise God that He never losses sight of us no matter where we are. He rejoices with us during our times of joy and feels our sorrow in times of sadness. And what more could I ask for from a loving God?!
Wednesday Kennedy turns 4. It is so hard to believe my little baby girl is turning into such a big girl. I love seeing my children grow up but it makes me sad how fast it goes. We will have her party on Thursday and she is already trying to plan an overnight with a friend. She is too young for overnights.
Also on Thursday we are have our appointment to go see the sex of the baby. This is kinda bitter sweet, because as excited as I am to find out the sex of the baby, this will be our last appointment ever of finding out the sex of one of our babies. Although I am totally at peace with this being our last, it is still kinda sad knowing this is the last time we will ever having the excitement waiting to find out the sex of a baby John and I created.
Then on Friday, Ryan is scheduled to be released into his mom's care. He will no longer be our foster son. Although it had been nice having him being with his mom more lately so that our kids can enjoy just being us for a bit, it is very sad. It is bringing an end to the year that we have had him. In that year, God has grown and stretched us in ways I never imagined. Sometimes it wasn't fun or enjoyable and other times it seemed so natural. It will just being sad not seeing Ryan on a regular basis. To not know what he did at school every day and how things are going. We are thinking of asking to still have him one a week or so, so that our relationship isn't lost and that he knows we still love and care for him. I have to admit, I don't have complete peace with him going home especially in light of some very troubling info I just found out, but I am trusting God and praying His will. As much as we love and care for Ryan, God loves him way more than I ever could. No matter what God will be with him through it all.
And then on the following Tuesday Alex starts 2nd grade and JJ starts Kindergarten and on Wednesday Kennedy starts preschool. My house be quieter during the days. Wonder if I will get more stuff done around the house. lol
So anyway this time will be full of smiles and probably some tears. But praise God that He never losses sight of us no matter where we are. He rejoices with us during our times of joy and feels our sorrow in times of sadness. And what more could I ask for from a loving God?!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
LONG WEEK!!
It has been an extremely LONG week!! Last Friday I started to feel kinda off. By Saturday morning I figured I probably had a bladder infection. I don't ever remember having one, so I really didn't know what it was like. By that night I was in really bad pain in my lower stomach and couldn't sleep. So Monday I went into the my ob doctor and got some meds. The doctor was amazed that I put up with the pain that long and apparently my infection was pretty bad by that point.
Then later that night I started throwing up and having a fever and cold chills. Called the doctor Tuesday and got an appointment for later in the afternoon. When I went in to the doctor, they were concerned because of my new symptoms and the fact that I was having pain in my middle right back side, around where my kidney was. They were concerned that my bladder infection turned into kidney infection. There was talk of putting me in the hospital but after agreeing to getting a shot of strong antibiotics and watching my fever closely I was able to sent home.
Well that night and into the next morning I still had fevers and cold chills off and on, along with my back pain and my headache that I had thorough out all my sickness that wasn't too bad, turned into a full blown nightmare. The doctor sent me over to the hospital for more tests.
So after blood tests, many ultrasounds, urine tests and such, they were concerned that I had a kidney stone. I honestly was more concerned with my head at the moment that was so horrible, I couldn't focus on anything else. Anyway, long story short, I had surgery, which was really more of a procedure since I was not cut open, praise God!! They gave me a spinal instead of putting me fully out and I was able to see all they were doing on the monitors. Basically they put a tube up my urethra into my bladder and up to my kidney to see if there was a stone. They found not stone, thank God!! The consensus of the urologist was that between my bladder infection, which most likely had turned into a kidney infection, pregnancy(which apparently can cause you to mimic kidney problems), and the virus that they figured out had settled into my upper back and neck muscles causing my horrible headache, all these were the cause of my kidney pain.
I was able to return home and I do feel better. My head is still hurting alot, in fact today my headache was as horrible as it was before, my back around my kidney and bladder still hurts off and on, and I am extremely sore and tired, but I am better at least. Now just praying that it doesn't take me forever to recover from this week long illness!
Then later that night I started throwing up and having a fever and cold chills. Called the doctor Tuesday and got an appointment for later in the afternoon. When I went in to the doctor, they were concerned because of my new symptoms and the fact that I was having pain in my middle right back side, around where my kidney was. They were concerned that my bladder infection turned into kidney infection. There was talk of putting me in the hospital but after agreeing to getting a shot of strong antibiotics and watching my fever closely I was able to sent home.
Well that night and into the next morning I still had fevers and cold chills off and on, along with my back pain and my headache that I had thorough out all my sickness that wasn't too bad, turned into a full blown nightmare. The doctor sent me over to the hospital for more tests.
So after blood tests, many ultrasounds, urine tests and such, they were concerned that I had a kidney stone. I honestly was more concerned with my head at the moment that was so horrible, I couldn't focus on anything else. Anyway, long story short, I had surgery, which was really more of a procedure since I was not cut open, praise God!! They gave me a spinal instead of putting me fully out and I was able to see all they were doing on the monitors. Basically they put a tube up my urethra into my bladder and up to my kidney to see if there was a stone. They found not stone, thank God!! The consensus of the urologist was that between my bladder infection, which most likely had turned into a kidney infection, pregnancy(which apparently can cause you to mimic kidney problems), and the virus that they figured out had settled into my upper back and neck muscles causing my horrible headache, all these were the cause of my kidney pain.
I was able to return home and I do feel better. My head is still hurting alot, in fact today my headache was as horrible as it was before, my back around my kidney and bladder still hurts off and on, and I am extremely sore and tired, but I am better at least. Now just praying that it doesn't take me forever to recover from this week long illness!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Compromise
We live in day of compromise, and we seem to be getting more and more ok with compromise. I have been really thinking about our society and the church in general and seeing how even the church is ok with compromise.
We live in days where we act like because the morals of the world have become loose for the most part, that that means God has changed. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His word does not change. His calling for us to be people who are conformed have not changed.
We are all sinners and when we come to know Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, there is a change in us. Is it a instant change from a sinner wallowing in sin to a perfect person, heck no. God calls us into acts of obeidence and through time He points the sin out in our lives and calls us to deal with it. I feel it is like when you sift flour, you don't just pour the flour in and BAM all the good flour is in your bowl and all the junk is in the sifter, it is a process, it takes time. That is how the process of us becoming more and more in the image of God.
We are however called to stand up for God's word and called to stand strong in our faith. But how much have we compromised over the years. We are so easy to justify things in our lives because we like it. And I am not just talking about the huge issues in our lives we struggle with but also the little ones. Like the shows we watch, the music we listen too, the words that we allow to come out of our mouths, etc. God loves us all, horrible sinners that we are. But should we act like His grace is something that condones sin? It does not. If we are knowingly sinning and ok with that in our lives, never repenting, never distancing ourselves from it, then where is the change in us? Where is the power of Christ? We are the ones not allowing Him to work on our hearts, not God deciding He is done with us.
I am saying this because I see it in myself. I give into anger, use words that I should never utter, and act like somehow I am justified because I had a long day or I am really angry. And yes, often my flesh does rear its ugly head and I act out of anger, but if I don't stop, realize that I grieving God and repent for my sin, where is the evidence that God is working in my life?
Life is hard. Sin is at every corner we look. But that doesn't mean that God makes allowances for us in this day and age. His word is still truth. He is still a holy God, He is a merciful God, yes, but He is a just God. We need to be a people who does not allow compromise in our walk. As God shows us the truth, we should stand on that truth. Is there sin in our lives that we are still not seeing, probably. But as God calls us to deal with the sin in our lives (and sometimes He uses others in our lives to bring it to our attention)we need to pray and ask God for His wisdom and direction in the way to handle it. It isn't always neat and pretty, but God will see us through!
We live in days where we act like because the morals of the world have become loose for the most part, that that means God has changed. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His word does not change. His calling for us to be people who are conformed have not changed.
We are all sinners and when we come to know Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, there is a change in us. Is it a instant change from a sinner wallowing in sin to a perfect person, heck no. God calls us into acts of obeidence and through time He points the sin out in our lives and calls us to deal with it. I feel it is like when you sift flour, you don't just pour the flour in and BAM all the good flour is in your bowl and all the junk is in the sifter, it is a process, it takes time. That is how the process of us becoming more and more in the image of God.
We are however called to stand up for God's word and called to stand strong in our faith. But how much have we compromised over the years. We are so easy to justify things in our lives because we like it. And I am not just talking about the huge issues in our lives we struggle with but also the little ones. Like the shows we watch, the music we listen too, the words that we allow to come out of our mouths, etc. God loves us all, horrible sinners that we are. But should we act like His grace is something that condones sin? It does not. If we are knowingly sinning and ok with that in our lives, never repenting, never distancing ourselves from it, then where is the change in us? Where is the power of Christ? We are the ones not allowing Him to work on our hearts, not God deciding He is done with us.
I am saying this because I see it in myself. I give into anger, use words that I should never utter, and act like somehow I am justified because I had a long day or I am really angry. And yes, often my flesh does rear its ugly head and I act out of anger, but if I don't stop, realize that I grieving God and repent for my sin, where is the evidence that God is working in my life?
Life is hard. Sin is at every corner we look. But that doesn't mean that God makes allowances for us in this day and age. His word is still truth. He is still a holy God, He is a merciful God, yes, but He is a just God. We need to be a people who does not allow compromise in our walk. As God shows us the truth, we should stand on that truth. Is there sin in our lives that we are still not seeing, probably. But as God calls us to deal with the sin in our lives (and sometimes He uses others in our lives to bring it to our attention)we need to pray and ask God for His wisdom and direction in the way to handle it. It isn't always neat and pretty, but God will see us through!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
This past week I have felt sooo much better. I actually went all day yesterday without throwing up once. I did throw up this afternoon, but other than about 20-30 minutes around that time, I felt pretty good.
And with the repreve from morning sickness, I also seemed to have more energy. So I started cleaning my house with cleaning our red room. This is our family room, that really hasn't functioned as a family room in forever. It has been more like an extention of our laundry room. There is always a pile of dirty laundry in front of the laundry room door in the room and the couch is covered with clean clothes that have needed folded and put away, or is folded and in baskets but I didn't feel like putting them away, or clothes to be given away or stored away. And then there is a dresser that we took out of the bathroom, but never got it out of the house, just sit it in this room.
So I started on this room and cleared off every surface in the room, worked on the big pile of dirty laundry, cleared off the couch, put clothes away, took things out to the shed that needed stored, stuff to goodwill to get rid off, and cleared out the dresser(although it is still in there at the moment.) Then I sorted the kids' books and got them all on the bookcase, dusted the room, and vacuumed. It looked good.
Then I moved onto the girls room. It was horrible. Took out Kennedy's old crib that we never took down when she moved to the toddler bed and put that, the bassinet which was being stored in said crib, and clothes that Kennedy grew out of, out to the shed to be stored until we need them in the future. I went through all the girls toys and took 5, yes FIVE bags of toys to goodwill. I moved some of the furniture around with the help of Alex and put the room back together. It looks so much better!!
The next room I tackled was the boys' room. Oh my goodness!! It was horrible. It was practically 5-6 years accumillation of toys. So I spent most of the day in that room. From 9-3:30 with only short breaks. I was able to get rid of 6 bags of toys and 3 bags of trash from their room. I didn't make it to their dressers yet, because the rest of the room was so bad. So I will need to finish that tomorrow. But I am proud of what I did. There was points when I wanted to cry when I was in there. When I moved the mattress to JJ's bottom bunk, I was shocked at what I found under there. The whole floor under their bed was covered in toys, books, socks, dirty clothes, and trash except for about a 6 inch area right by the edge of their bed. You know, the part Mommy could see when I checked their room. And the bottom bunk is a full size, so it is a big space. Got a whole bag of trash just from under the bed alone.
Unfortunately the red room has kinda functioned as my holding place for stuff as I move things out of the rooms and is at the moment full of 8 bags of stuff to be taken to goodwill. Plus with focusing on the kids' rooms means I have kinda fallen down on keeping up with the laundry, so my pile is full again. And I have laundry baskets full of folded clothes needing to be put away, mostly in the boys' room but I need to clean out their dressers first and thin out the unwanted items.
So my goal for this week is to atleast do the boys dressers, redo the red room(luckily this should take as long as the first time, and clear off the dresser in the dining room that is piled high with junk. I am just happy to be about 15 bags freer of junk thinned out during my cleaning last week. I feel lighter!! lol
And with the repreve from morning sickness, I also seemed to have more energy. So I started cleaning my house with cleaning our red room. This is our family room, that really hasn't functioned as a family room in forever. It has been more like an extention of our laundry room. There is always a pile of dirty laundry in front of the laundry room door in the room and the couch is covered with clean clothes that have needed folded and put away, or is folded and in baskets but I didn't feel like putting them away, or clothes to be given away or stored away. And then there is a dresser that we took out of the bathroom, but never got it out of the house, just sit it in this room.
So I started on this room and cleared off every surface in the room, worked on the big pile of dirty laundry, cleared off the couch, put clothes away, took things out to the shed that needed stored, stuff to goodwill to get rid off, and cleared out the dresser(although it is still in there at the moment.) Then I sorted the kids' books and got them all on the bookcase, dusted the room, and vacuumed. It looked good.
Then I moved onto the girls room. It was horrible. Took out Kennedy's old crib that we never took down when she moved to the toddler bed and put that, the bassinet which was being stored in said crib, and clothes that Kennedy grew out of, out to the shed to be stored until we need them in the future. I went through all the girls toys and took 5, yes FIVE bags of toys to goodwill. I moved some of the furniture around with the help of Alex and put the room back together. It looks so much better!!
The next room I tackled was the boys' room. Oh my goodness!! It was horrible. It was practically 5-6 years accumillation of toys. So I spent most of the day in that room. From 9-3:30 with only short breaks. I was able to get rid of 6 bags of toys and 3 bags of trash from their room. I didn't make it to their dressers yet, because the rest of the room was so bad. So I will need to finish that tomorrow. But I am proud of what I did. There was points when I wanted to cry when I was in there. When I moved the mattress to JJ's bottom bunk, I was shocked at what I found under there. The whole floor under their bed was covered in toys, books, socks, dirty clothes, and trash except for about a 6 inch area right by the edge of their bed. You know, the part Mommy could see when I checked their room. And the bottom bunk is a full size, so it is a big space. Got a whole bag of trash just from under the bed alone.
Unfortunately the red room has kinda functioned as my holding place for stuff as I move things out of the rooms and is at the moment full of 8 bags of stuff to be taken to goodwill. Plus with focusing on the kids' rooms means I have kinda fallen down on keeping up with the laundry, so my pile is full again. And I have laundry baskets full of folded clothes needing to be put away, mostly in the boys' room but I need to clean out their dressers first and thin out the unwanted items.
So my goal for this week is to atleast do the boys dressers, redo the red room(luckily this should take as long as the first time, and clear off the dresser in the dining room that is piled high with junk. I am just happy to be about 15 bags freer of junk thinned out during my cleaning last week. I feel lighter!! lol
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