I went and had coffee with a good friend today. We did this regularly before our pregnancies, but then life and medical stuff got us out of the groove of it. It was so nice to sit and just talk. I hadn't seen her little one since her daughter was born and she is almost almost 10 weeks ago and my friend had never seen Emmalee who is almost 6 weeks, so it has been a while since we actually saw each other. We have talked quite a bit but not been able to sit down together.
As we talked we both shared our frustrations about raising childrens and also about our frustration about our reaction to kids behaviors. It was nice to hear another mom talk about how she gets just as frustrated as I do at times. I am not alone! Just nice to hear I am not the only one who has days where I feel like puling my hair out at the end of the day!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Proud of my kids!!
I have a grandma that has multiple scorosis. It is a really nasty disease. It has been really sad to see it transform my grandma.
This is my grandma on my dad's side. It is actually his stepmother, but she raised him and his brother from a very early age after his mother passed away. Her and my grandfather then also adopted a baby girl when my dad was a teen. Grandma Donna was never able to have any biological children. She was hit with this disease young and it has taken a huge part of her life.
From an early age I saw it transform her. I remember her always having trouble getting around, needing a cane, then eventually a wheel chair, to now being trapped in her body. She is in her 60's and has been in a wheel chair for probably close to 15 years. She can't eat or drink(has to have only liquids thickened), she can't move her legs and arms at all, can't see very well, and trying to talk is like trying to see through a fog.
Now you can imagine that it is something that is hard for kids to understand. My kids used to be very scared and not really want to go visit her. Heck I even was like that because it was just so sad and you can't help but think that she probably doesn't remember anyway, why bother.
Well when I went down with the kids in December I played on their sensitive hearts and told them that Grandma is stuck in her body, but she is there! She wants to see people, have them talk to her, and would love to have people treat her like she is just like anyone else. That visit they were amazing. All of them! They pushed her around the nursing home as we went visiting all the residents(Dad is big on showing off the grandkids and letting the residents enjoy seeing them), they sang to her all their Christmas songs they were learning, etc.
Since then, Kennedy has talked about Grandma from time to time and last week asked if we could go see her again. So I talked to Dad and also set it up with my sister to take my niece who they hadn't seen in 3 months or longer. So yesterday we went up. The kids were pretty good again. A little wilder because my niece was there(JJ and her are BEST buddies!!) but still really good. And all the kids were really excited to see Grandma, well except Bianca who is very reserved around people she isn't used to and Alex who is at that "too cool" stage. The other 3 all were kissing on Grandma and hugging on her, made me very proud of their sensitive little hearts. How lonely it must get for Grandma and you could tell it just made her day.
Here is a picture of my dad, my 5, my niece, and me with Grandma.
This is my grandma on my dad's side. It is actually his stepmother, but she raised him and his brother from a very early age after his mother passed away. Her and my grandfather then also adopted a baby girl when my dad was a teen. Grandma Donna was never able to have any biological children. She was hit with this disease young and it has taken a huge part of her life.
From an early age I saw it transform her. I remember her always having trouble getting around, needing a cane, then eventually a wheel chair, to now being trapped in her body. She is in her 60's and has been in a wheel chair for probably close to 15 years. She can't eat or drink(has to have only liquids thickened), she can't move her legs and arms at all, can't see very well, and trying to talk is like trying to see through a fog.
Now you can imagine that it is something that is hard for kids to understand. My kids used to be very scared and not really want to go visit her. Heck I even was like that because it was just so sad and you can't help but think that she probably doesn't remember anyway, why bother.
Well when I went down with the kids in December I played on their sensitive hearts and told them that Grandma is stuck in her body, but she is there! She wants to see people, have them talk to her, and would love to have people treat her like she is just like anyone else. That visit they were amazing. All of them! They pushed her around the nursing home as we went visiting all the residents(Dad is big on showing off the grandkids and letting the residents enjoy seeing them), they sang to her all their Christmas songs they were learning, etc.
Since then, Kennedy has talked about Grandma from time to time and last week asked if we could go see her again. So I talked to Dad and also set it up with my sister to take my niece who they hadn't seen in 3 months or longer. So yesterday we went up. The kids were pretty good again. A little wilder because my niece was there(JJ and her are BEST buddies!!) but still really good. And all the kids were really excited to see Grandma, well except Bianca who is very reserved around people she isn't used to and Alex who is at that "too cool" stage. The other 3 all were kissing on Grandma and hugging on her, made me very proud of their sensitive little hearts. How lonely it must get for Grandma and you could tell it just made her day.
Here is a picture of my dad, my 5, my niece, and me with Grandma.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
9 years ago
Nine years ago today, I held my little tiny baby boy's lifeless body in the palm of my hand. My first baby. A baby I so desperately wanted and couldn't believe he was taken from me before I even got to hold him.
I was only 15 weeks pregnant, past the 12 week mark which means I was suppose to be in the clear. The baby would be ok, I mean that is what I always thought. I now know that women lose babies at all stages of pregnancy, but until this moment I was young and blissfully naive to the realities of pregnancy lose.
I still remember the whole situation so well. It is both a blessing and a curse. It is hard to remember, to go back to the pain, it seems that it would be better to just forget it. But since I was so early in my pregnancy and never really got to enjoy all the fun parts, the baby moving around, watching my belly jump and look like an alien was trying to pop out, etc, this would be the end of it all. This event, though horrible and so sad, would be the last event I got to have with my beautiful baby.
We didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl, and I am so thankful that God made it very obvious after he was born. We named him Jacob Robert, the name we had picked out from the beginning for a boy. We had someone suggest we save that name for our next boy and pick something else, since we loved it so much, but we choose to give him the name. He was and still is our first son. We love him and chose that name for him.
He was so perfect. 10 toes and 10 fingers. A little mouth that was so precious and oh so tiny. He was only 4 inches long and by the time he was weighed was only 3/4 of an ounce. Apparently babies will lose weight in the womb and at this stage after being delivered after they have passed. Another thing I never knew....before, I sure know it now.
I remember feeling like I had failed my baby. Like it was my fault, that somehow my body was the reason we had to say goodbye to our baby. I now know that it is just one of those things that can happen. I remember fearing I would never have a baby to take home, never kiss my baby as it sleeps in my arms.
As I look back on this day that was probably the worst day of my life to date, I am so greatful to God. Not that my Jacob died, but that God brought us through it. And I would like to believe that God used it to make me love my children I have been blessed with since more than if Jacob would have lived. I praise God for the blessing of Jacob and our 5 other children. We have been blessed more than I ever imagined!
I was only 15 weeks pregnant, past the 12 week mark which means I was suppose to be in the clear. The baby would be ok, I mean that is what I always thought. I now know that women lose babies at all stages of pregnancy, but until this moment I was young and blissfully naive to the realities of pregnancy lose.
I still remember the whole situation so well. It is both a blessing and a curse. It is hard to remember, to go back to the pain, it seems that it would be better to just forget it. But since I was so early in my pregnancy and never really got to enjoy all the fun parts, the baby moving around, watching my belly jump and look like an alien was trying to pop out, etc, this would be the end of it all. This event, though horrible and so sad, would be the last event I got to have with my beautiful baby.
We didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl, and I am so thankful that God made it very obvious after he was born. We named him Jacob Robert, the name we had picked out from the beginning for a boy. We had someone suggest we save that name for our next boy and pick something else, since we loved it so much, but we choose to give him the name. He was and still is our first son. We love him and chose that name for him.
He was so perfect. 10 toes and 10 fingers. A little mouth that was so precious and oh so tiny. He was only 4 inches long and by the time he was weighed was only 3/4 of an ounce. Apparently babies will lose weight in the womb and at this stage after being delivered after they have passed. Another thing I never knew....before, I sure know it now.
I remember feeling like I had failed my baby. Like it was my fault, that somehow my body was the reason we had to say goodbye to our baby. I now know that it is just one of those things that can happen. I remember fearing I would never have a baby to take home, never kiss my baby as it sleeps in my arms.
As I look back on this day that was probably the worst day of my life to date, I am so greatful to God. Not that my Jacob died, but that God brought us through it. And I would like to believe that God used it to make me love my children I have been blessed with since more than if Jacob would have lived. I praise God for the blessing of Jacob and our 5 other children. We have been blessed more than I ever imagined!
Monday, February 11, 2013
"You were pregnant?"
Ok, just how FAT did I look when I was pregnant? Because apparently I didn't look pregnant to pretty much anyone that didn't know I was pregnant. So I must have just looked fat. Why am I saying that you ask? Because I have had lots of people who are shocked that Emmalee is mine.
I am not kidding. Just today I went to grab a pop at the kwik stop and ran into a woman I went to school with. Now granted this woman I didn't see all the time, but about once a week and she goes "who's kid are you packing around?" She was floored when I said Emmalee was mine.
Heck even my neighbor had no clue I was pregnant beccause she even asked me whose baby I was babysitting just days after having Emmalee. This is a woman who I see everyday pretty much and she didn't even know I was pregnant. She even apologized for not realizing it. She was so embarrassed.
My mother in law and others said I didn't get as big as I did with the other kids. But I did get a baby bump, so why is it so shocking to people that I had a baby?! I can't go downtown without someone making the comment they had no clue I was pregnant. lol
I am not kidding. Just today I went to grab a pop at the kwik stop and ran into a woman I went to school with. Now granted this woman I didn't see all the time, but about once a week and she goes "who's kid are you packing around?" She was floored when I said Emmalee was mine.
Heck even my neighbor had no clue I was pregnant beccause she even asked me whose baby I was babysitting just days after having Emmalee. This is a woman who I see everyday pretty much and she didn't even know I was pregnant. She even apologized for not realizing it. She was so embarrassed.
My mother in law and others said I didn't get as big as I did with the other kids. But I did get a baby bump, so why is it so shocking to people that I had a baby?! I can't go downtown without someone making the comment they had no clue I was pregnant. lol
Saturday, February 9, 2013
View of my life in pictures
Sometimes I wonder what people really see when they look at me. You know those pictures that go around on facebook that say something like: What people think I do, What my mom thinks I do, What I think I do, etc; and every picture is totally different? I think this is the story of my life.
Today when I was at Walmart I ran into a former classmate and neighbor of John's parents. The woman has one child and she told me that she thinks I am amazing. John tells me often that he has alot of people tell him they think I am also amazing. Why?! Because I managed not to strangle my children? Because believe me there are days that it is a miracle. I am just joking......kinda. lol
This is how I feel my little facebook picture story would look like:
Today when I was at Walmart I ran into a former classmate and neighbor of John's parents. The woman has one child and she told me that she thinks I am amazing. John tells me often that he has alot of people tell him they think I am also amazing. Why?! Because I managed not to strangle my children? Because believe me there are days that it is a miracle. I am just joking......kinda. lol
This is how I feel my little facebook picture story would look like:
This is how other moms of young children views me:
This is how my children views me:
This is how I view me:
This is how I pray my children remember me as:
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Pictures of my crafts
Since I was unable to post pictures of the crafts I made to donate for Christmas baskets for local children in our community, I thought I would post some now that I can. I am very proud of these, because I didn't really have much time to make items to donate and I worked hard to get as many done as I could. I also really enjoyed making them!!
I have already started on items to donate this year. I am wanting expand on items I donate and really make alot to give. It gives me joy!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
I have been going through our house and getting rid of stuff we don't need off and on for months now. In fact I went through the boys room twice in the past 3 months and got rid of TONS of toys and clothes both times. I went through the girls' room, our room, the laundry room TWICE, the shed, and the latest was the kitchen. And even though we have taken probably a good 50 garbage bags and/or boxes to the thrift store, local teens' group, and my friend who we pass boys clothes down too, I still have SOOOO much to get rid of!!
I find it amazing how much stuff we don't need or use is stuffed into our house. I mean how much stuff does a family of 7 REALLY need?! And have become more selective(although not as selective as I probably should be) about what I keep. I am getting over my "so and so gave this to use so we HAVE to keep it" mentality. I want a more organized and decluttered house and keeping everything that people give us just so we don't hurt anyones feelings doesn't help with that.
Heck I even am thinking that for Christmases and birthdays for the kids I should give good ideas of toys or items the kids really could use or play with would be best so we don't just keep replacing the stuff the kids don't play with with more stuff the kids don't play with. I honestly think they have too much stuff to even really know what they have.
During this process I have found that there are people in my house that are not good to help during this process. Alex is great help. He wanted his room less cluttered so it was easier to clean, so he was willing to get rid of pretty much anything. Kennedy is ok, if I don't let her see me taking the stuff out. JJ is horrible though, I got to keep him as far away from whatever I am going through. It doesn't even matter if the stuff is not his, he doesn't want to get rid of anything. John I have found is fine, as long as it is my stuff or the kids' stuff, if it is his stuff, he doesn't want to get rid of anything really. He doesn't like to go through his stuff, he would rather just keep it regardless of what it is.
So even though I have gone through almost every room in my house, it still needs gone through more. Kinda like I am when a team has multiple cycles of cutting players. I want to get rid of soooo much more stuff!!!
I find it amazing how much stuff we don't need or use is stuffed into our house. I mean how much stuff does a family of 7 REALLY need?! And have become more selective(although not as selective as I probably should be) about what I keep. I am getting over my "so and so gave this to use so we HAVE to keep it" mentality. I want a more organized and decluttered house and keeping everything that people give us just so we don't hurt anyones feelings doesn't help with that.
Heck I even am thinking that for Christmases and birthdays for the kids I should give good ideas of toys or items the kids really could use or play with would be best so we don't just keep replacing the stuff the kids don't play with with more stuff the kids don't play with. I honestly think they have too much stuff to even really know what they have.
During this process I have found that there are people in my house that are not good to help during this process. Alex is great help. He wanted his room less cluttered so it was easier to clean, so he was willing to get rid of pretty much anything. Kennedy is ok, if I don't let her see me taking the stuff out. JJ is horrible though, I got to keep him as far away from whatever I am going through. It doesn't even matter if the stuff is not his, he doesn't want to get rid of anything. John I have found is fine, as long as it is my stuff or the kids' stuff, if it is his stuff, he doesn't want to get rid of anything really. He doesn't like to go through his stuff, he would rather just keep it regardless of what it is.
So even though I have gone through almost every room in my house, it still needs gone through more. Kinda like I am when a team has multiple cycles of cutting players. I want to get rid of soooo much more stuff!!!
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