So today I decided it was time to paint Ryan's room. Since he has been with us 4 weeks and he is now saying he wants to keep his room pink and purple, it was time. So I went to Menards and picked out the paint. Now in my mind I have a really awesome plan. I want to paint 2 walls orange and then paint the other 2 walls with big squares of orange, white, blue, and green. John though said since that will be alot of work, I should just paint the 2 walls orange, 1 white, and 1 blue. I haven't decided if I am going to take his advice or not. I really would love to do the square thing, but that could take up to a week to get it done between all the stuff we have to do. I don't want to take that long, so I probably will take his advice, but I really wish I have time to do the squares.

Can't Wait!

Tuesday we are going to get new family pictures. I love getting family pictures. I don't even send them out everytime(although I always have intentions too, I often get sidetracked and find them months later and think OPPS!) I just feel so blessed by God with my family and love having the pictures to show how our family is changing from year to year.

This year we are going with a pink and black theme, black shirts for the guys and pink for the girls. We are going to go downtown by the Fox theater and have an "urban shoot" as Sheri calls it. I can't wait to see how they turn out. Praying all the kids are good and not fussy.

Praising God in the midst of this trial!

What a week it has been! We have been busy and stressed beyond belief. But praise the Lord that in the midst of this time of trial, that God is still on his throne. All this junk can be used for the glory of God in the long run if we just give it to him. Praise God for his mercy and grace He pours over us daily. He gives us strength that we could never have on our own and gives us the endurance for all of this.

Tomorrow is 4 weeks since Ryan has been in our home. I honestly couldn't imagine him not being here. He has fit into our family so well. Doesn't mean that there have not been struggles or issues, but it is going so much smoother than I thought it would. I am just praying that we can form the parent/child bond. Sometimes I wonder how he really feels about all this. Last night in wednesday night church they were talking about the relationship between their family(parents, siblings, the ones you live with) and I wondered how Ryan feels knowing he is living with his cousin and her family and having to explain that.

Tomorrow is also 4 weeks since Ryan's mom has had any contact with him. No phone calls, no asking for visits, nothing. I just find that extremely sad. I am praying that we are helping to feel the void that not having his mom here leaves. That he feels loved, wanted, and secure that he has a place in our family.

Had a really fun day with the kids today. I almost just kept us all home because I wanted to just veg for the day. But I decided to get us all out of the house for a while so John could enjoy a quiet house to sleep in. We all got ready and headed to Walmart to get a few things and to get Alex's haircut.

On the way we past the jail that they were tearing down the saw that it looked like it would come down soon, so we drove around the block, parked, and headed over to the courthouse across the street from the jail to watch the destruction. It was so awesome! I have never seen anything like that. When it came down I seriously sat their with my mouth wide open, amazed at what I had just seen. The kids that it was the best thing ever. Glad we stopped to watch. Don't get to see that everyday.

Then we loaded up and went to Walmart, got Alex's haircut, and then picked up stuff to make pigs in a blanket, veggie pizza, turkey roll-ups, and summer sausage plate for dinner in honor of the Husker game day. We then dropped all that off at home and headed to our next stop, which was a total surprise for the kids.

Ryan came home with a flyer for an event at one of the banks and so I thought it would be fun. Didn't figure it would be as big as it was. They had tons of carnival games, bouncy houses, face painting(I was a bunny), hair spray dye, food, fresh popped popcorn(thanks to my father-in-law), a really fun talent show, and a photo booth wear you could put on different funny props and get you picture taken.

So of course before we left we all got decked out all goofy and took a series of pictures. It was so much fun and such a good memory. The best things about it all was that it was all free. The whole thing did not cost me a dime. Oh and they had a nice petting zoo with miniture baby horses, a calf, chickens, rabbits, llamas, lambs, and A BABY PIG! Livie loved all the little animals.

So we had such a fun morning/early afternoon. Loved spending times with the kids, just wish John had been able to come. 

Rollercoaster of Emotions

I feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride lately. It seems like my emotions have been all over. Part of the reason is that I really don't feel good, pretty sure I have some kind of infection going on. But also it has been a bit emotional going through this journey of having Ryan. It is not that he is a bad kid or anything. Actually other than normal kid attitudes and dealing with the kids all getting used to living together and having someone else to share their home with, it hasn't been too bad. Yes it is a little nutty trying to get all the kids out the door 25 minutes earlier than we did before having Ryan, but we have been doing it and was only late 1 morning.

But the dealing with the reality that our family has changed possibly for a long time has kinda  happened without any warning. I truly believe this is God's will, but it has been a little hard to just get thrown into this with no warning, just a call one afternoon to see if we would take Ryan and then him being dropped off about an hour later. Really didn't have any time to think about how this changed stuff.

And there is dealing with all the stuff that is coming to light from this situation that is better suited for Lifetime tv then our life. Can't believe that this is part of anyone's life, let alone my family's life. This is just a huge mess. I guess that it is really true that you can't hide the truth forever, at some point all will come to light.

Last night we all went to the family math night at Ryan's school.  The kids had a blast. The PTA served pancakes and sausage which the kids really enjoyed. It was pretty good. Then we went to Ryan's social studies classroom to see what they had there. I don't know who enjoyed it more, the kids or John and I. They had these plastic shapes made up of square similar to the blocks on tetris and you picked out a paper with a design on it that you tried to fix the blocks all on the sheet within the shape provided.  It was fun to try and see if you could figure it out.

The boys enjoyed these pieces that you put together to make different shapes. I think they could have played with them all night.

Then we all went back to the lunchroom/gym and they had a minute to win it game for each grade. Ryan's name got drawn for his grade and he did very good at bouncing the balls into the bucket. It was pretty cool to watch. He was so proud of himself.

We then finished the night with playing on the playground. We had such a nice night with the kids. It was nice to be able to participate in the night and see more of the public school system since we haven't dealt with it in the parent role since the boys go to PVCA. It was kinda strange though to take a child to a school event where you didn't really anyone when we are so used to knowing all the other parents and teachers.

Today I went to the first appearance of Ryan's case. It was sad. You go into this room with other people whose cases are also going to be covered and so I saw the other side of this situation. I saw 2 parents very obviously not in a position to be the parents God desires them to be, looking like they are unable to care for their own basic needs let alone the needs of their child. I could see that they truly desired to be reunited with their child, but is that desire enough to motivate them to do what the courts will ask of them I don't know.

I was glad that I got to see this part though because at the moment I am very bitter towards those desire drugs over what is best for their children. We have opened our home, and our hearts to a child that has had a hard life. I have no clue what he has seen, but I am sure it would shock me. I am dealing with trying to heal this child whose life has been upset because of the love of drugs. I looked at these people praying that the Lord would convict them and change their hearts so their child does not have to live one more minute with drugs being top priority.

Then Ryan's case came up. It might not have been the best thing for me to go today, because I had just left the counselor's office where I was trying to get Ryan set up for counseling. Talking to the counselor made me realize just how affected Ryan could be by this all. How deep his hurts could be. It broke my heart and frankly ticked me off that a parent, my own aunt could do this to her child. Then to have to go to the court hearing and see that his mother didn't even show up. That Ryan isn't even worth showing up for. And to hear the man he thinks of as his dad to say via phone conversation that he isn't dad and never really acted as one.

This little boy has probably never been loved like he should. He doesn't know what it is like to know without a doubt that mommy is always there for you, because look at what has been his truth so far.

Please pray for our family. For Ryan that he comes to trust us, and in time love us like a child loves their parent and most importantly that he comes to know the Lord and trust him as his Savior. For John and I, that the Lord would give us the endurance to do what we feel God is calling us too. That we can come to love Ryan as our child and for wisdom in how to go day by day through this uncertian journey. And for our kids that they can adjust to open their hearts to Ryan and be ok with sharing their home and parents with another child. Please pray that we all can deal with the emotional rollercoaster that we are bound to go through throughout this time.

Shocked!!

I have to admit that I am horrified and saddened by the lack of love and concern for Ryan. He has been in our home for 2 weeks tomorrow, and so far the only people from my family who have called to see how he is doing is MY sister, brother, grandma, mom, and dad. I have tons of people at the school and church asking and praying, as well as other friends and family, but the ones who should be the most concerned have not called at all. His dad called the night we got him to see if Ryan could stay with us for a while, but let me tell you I was not getting the impression his dad would have done anything if Ryan couldn't have.

His mom hasn't called Ryan at all. Our uncle who Ryan lived with for a while hasn't called. No one cares how he is doing. No one cares that his boy feels abandoned and disposible. Why should they, they have better things to do.

Now I know that this all seems a little harsh. And possibly I am being harsher than I should. But all I know is that if my kid was placed in someone else's home to live for quite a while, I would be concerned in how they were adjusting, feeling, etc. How can you carry a child in your womb for 9 months, hug them, rock them to sleep, and then just be able to walk away without a second glance. I don't understand. I guess I don't understand the hold that drugs have on people. It is just heartbreaking!!

1st day of PVCA's school year

This morning was Alex's first day of school. He is in 1st grade this year. He was so excited to see all his friends. He didn't even kiss me goodbye or anything, just rushed off with his buddies. Of course I was threatening to sing happy birthday to one of his buddies. Lol. I love being the goofy mom who all the kids get a kick out of.

It was a little crazy this morning getting back into the routine of going to school again. And we almost walked out the door without Alex's lunch(going to have to get used to sending him lunch because this is our first year of that) I think that I will enjoy him going to school all day because it will make me prioritize my time better. I am already thinking of what I want to do before the boys(Alex and Ryan) need to be picked up from school. Last year the time that Alex was at school I often wasnt' even home, since he only went a half day. Praying I can be a good little housewife/mommy and get my house in order most days. Yes even the laundry which I often let overflow and then it overwhelms me. Well better stop blogging and get to the dishes. Unfortuantely they don't wash themselves.

What a crazy couple of weeks!!

Well it has been quite a while since I last posted. It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. We have spent our last few weeks of summer trying to get ready for school. Since our other education members have been out of town or working, I helped when I could with teachers' inservice week, we had a work day at the school and got some projects and cleaning done. I am so excited for the 2011-2012 school year of Platte Valley Christian Academy!!

Then this week in the midst of everything, my sister had broke her foot so I helped her out some this week. Then Friday in the afternoon while John was at work, I recieved a phone call asking if we could take in my 10 year old cousin for a while. We don't know how long it will be for. So he came that afternoon and we had to rearrange rooms so he could have his own room. Praise God we have the room!

Then today we had Kennedy's birthday party. Her birthday was last Monday but we decided to have the party today. We had a Tangled theme and she loved it. When she walked into the dining room and saw everything, she goes "Mommy, this is sooooo beautiful!" She was so thrilled with all her presents and her presents.

So now we are a family of 7(at least for a while), and school starts this week for Alex and JJ. And now with Ryan staying here, Tuesdays starts a a daily schedule including taking 3 kids to 2 different schools and trying to make sure everyone is on time and trying to figure out the year's schedules since PVCA and the public schools have different days off, end of quarters, and such. Going to have to figure this all out so it works.