Revelation

Sometimes you come to a place in your life where things that have been right in front of you suddenly come into focus. Today I had one of those days. I was washing dishes while listening to a song that I have heard a million times and one part said something about am I really wanting God's will or am I stuck on my own will or stuck in the middle. I can't remember the exact verses right now, but it just sunk in.

In order to be able to allow God's will to take place in our lives, it requires sacrifice. Sacrificing our dreams and desires and allowing God's to become ours, sacrificing time to spend with God, in His word, and praising him, sacrificing anything that we have allowed to become idols in our lives.

I have to admit these past months I haven't felt as close to God. I have stepped out of the intimacy with Him. And here I am wondering why things seem off. It is because I am not allowing God full access lately.

Some of the reason is all the craziness of having Ryan as our foster child and dealing with all that that entails. But some of it is just that I have gotten hurt and somewhat burned out  from the school and from church and when that happens I pull away from God. It is stupid, but it is the truth.

So tonight I pulled out my Bible, which I am not proud to admit, has not been on my reading list lately, and I sit down before opening to a page and prayed. I prayed that God would guide me, that my will would be His will, and that He would transform my heart and fill me up.

As I sit there praying I could feel God's presense in a way I hadn't taken the time to feel in a long time. I realized our conversations have been one sided lately.

Then I opened my Bible and God guided me to Psalms 9, I believe and His word talked about how God created man just under angels and that He truly cares for us. It spoke to me. That even though I am human, God, the creater Himself, finds me beautiful and worth pursuing.